i haven’t been on this site in a long while. i suppose this is just one of the many ways i could say i’m getting worse.
i’ve been thinking about the concept of bravery a lot lately, especially in mental health related way.
because if you’d ask many people, they’d tell you that you’re brave if you stay alive despite being suicidal, if you recover from your addiction and so on.
then why do i feel so weak for not being able to kill myself, living one day at the time for the dumbest reasons?
why do i feel lame for not self harming as much as others, as much as i used to?
and is it brave to stay alive when you’re already considered weak when you are suicidal?
from the outside perspective, these things should make me the brave one.
yet i feel like the weakest person out here.
i guess it’s all just in my sick head.
4 comments
Isn’t bravery all in perception?
One person might think that someone fighting a losing battle is noble, another pointless. It’s all perspective and entirely personal. You control you, and therefor to whatever extent your own eyes.
I believe it is because our minds are competitive even about things that don’t matter. Why do you feel like you need to be brave? I’ll tell you why. Because society has established that bravery is the defining factor of a hero. That may be true but it is not the “bravery” that society makes us think it is. Staying alive through depression is an aspect of bravery, keeping yourself together when the demons in your head are rioting is an aspect of bravery, and so on. There is no defining “Act” that establishes bravery so if that’s the case how do you define bravery? Well simple, it’s about how close next to hope you can stay though everything is falling apart.
What you feel when you think about being a coward because you don’t “cut yourself enough” isn’t bravery. It is simply competitiveness, you have a “better than the next person” complex and that mindset is worth having.
So my is stick to bravery, and do all you can to keep hope. Competition is a waste of time because all it brings you is despair. People will always do things better than you, so the only person you gotta worry about is the one you saw in the mirror yesterday.
I’m killing myself no matter what, I don’t care to recover, I think it’s cute that you guys are so concerned about “recovery” and such though, whatever that is….
Any fool can sit in the corner and rock back and forth with the ‘woe is mes’ Anybody who cuts themselves ‘better’ than you do is far worse off than your are. It takes bravery to find constructive ways to relieve your misery and gain the healthy attention you need.
I read posts here, and we’re all going through similar things and feeling the same way. This forum really seems to be about relating to one another, not competing with each other over who is more miserable.
Cutting doesn’t prove anything but the need for immediate medical attention. You’ll get no praise from me for that. I applaud your efforts to fight for your health. Just because you’ve been hurt doesn’t mean you have to hurt yourself.
You can fight it, and you’re worth it. It takes guts to chin up and claim some self worth, even if the world has beaten you down.