It’s been 8 years..

it’s been 8 years since I last posted

I’m proud to say I’m no longer drained by RD

Ive overcome it – but not the depression I’ve always struggled with , that existed even before he existed in my life

today was a very tough day, it’s been building up for 10 days now, the sadness, the loneliness.. the unhappiness. I don’t understand where it’s coming from or why it’s so heavy on me today – It does come and go but it’s normally triggered – this time, I can’t find the source..

i cried most of my morning into the afternoon, fighting thoughts about suicide – the many ways I could end clouded my mind but then images of my sister having to find me in such conditions drowned me and I asked myself WHY would my family deserve that from me – they don’t.

Its hard battling against these thoughts, they suffocate me sometimes