Which is weird, I guess. The fact that I am writing this means some part of me want to get better. A will to live I guess. I wish I don’t have it still.
It is one of those story where boy met girl, fall in love. Something happened. We got separated.
She had told me to live.
She knew I would have tried otherwise.
So she made me promised.
And in exchange, she promised things will get better.
They did.
I met another much like her, I wanted to be friends this time. But I even then, I can’t even do that much.
In the end, they all leave.
I can’t even keep up.
I know if I give it times, these thoughts would go quiet.
I know if I give it time, she would make good on her promise, and that everything will become better.
Even though she is not around anymore, I somehow feel she would be able to.
But I don’t want to.
I don’t want to feel better anymore.
I just want to stop.
I want to rest
I want end
1 comment
I never wanted to get better. I’ve had to go through a lot of therapy, hospitalizations, jail, all because someone else wanted me to. Who set me up for all that stupid sh*t? I have no clue. It didn’t help me at all. They forced me to do this sh*t. How could it ever help? These folks are incompetent. I want to commit suicide more than ever. Because now I can’t trick myself into being happy. Now I see life for what it is, a f*cking joke for the ignorant.