It has been an absolute long time since I have been on here. And I successfully avoided coming back here for a long time because I kept lying to myself by saying I am not depressed, I have no problems, and that I have no reason to end up back here. Well that was a fucking lie. Truth is I am in fucking denial. I walk around daily with a fake ass smile on my face and my chin to the sky making it seem like I have confidence and happiness. Truth is I am fucking pathetic. Honestly, I am just really fucking drunk and pissed. I have finally made an effort to meet people, talk to girls I am interested in, and make myself look like a regular guy; but in the end, I am still this pathetic excuse of an adult wearing a mask to make myself seem like I have my shit together. Honestly, I am just mad because I did what I always do, I fell in love to easily. And she is real pretty and actually in my age group too so it is a damn shame. But I have to be the way I am. I have to allow shit like this to happen, don’t I. I need to escape.