What is it that I’m feeling right now?
Seems like a weird mix of jealousness, resentment, sadness, hate… anger? A clash between “I don’t deserve this” and “I’m worthless as it is.” Nothing has changed. I just feel… powerless. Like anything I try will be futile.
I just came to the realization that all our problems derive from ourselves and end with ourselves. However, doing something about it (and actually accomplishing something) is a totally different story.
The need to belong somewhere or with someone, the longing to be missed or loved, to feel like you matter, to feel the approval of others, to want what others have… Those things seem like critical flaws in our person. We shouldn’t need any of these, and yet here we are.
Seems like the meaning of life is to find as much as we can of these things to fill the void in ourselves, just to die once we achieve any of these. Sounds like a waste when you put it like that.
I think I’ll just “go ghost” for the next several months. I see no point in trying to stay. As I said, I’m the only one who can solve my problems; no one else gives a single fuck.
And I don’t even feel like I can solve anything anyways.