I’m an alcoholic. I hate it so much because I feel like have no control over my feelings and how I react to certain things. I only drink because I’m so anxious all the time. I wish I could just relax but I take everything so negatively. People like to tease me at work and so I use alcohol as a way to relax and laugh it off but its starting to get pricey as well as unhealthy. I haven’t gone a day without drinking in months now…maybe a couple years. Its every day. And my tolerance keeps getting greater and greater. I know what I have to do but I’m scared. I feel like having a panic attack when I dont drink. I figure everyone belittles me and ridicules me because I’m just a scrawny single cashier. It sucks because so many people like to say horrible things to me and laugh at me for being a weak man. I should be stronger than this at my age but I’m not. I could’ve graduated college by now if I had gone on like the rest of the people my age. I’m a failure. I’m a pathetic excuse of a man. I notice that scrawny men get picked on more. Do I seriously have to get big and huge just for people to quit f***ing with me? So animalistic! I guess I won’t fight the truth anymore. If getting muscular is what will lessen trash talk then so be it. The physical pain is nothing compared to the constant insults I receive.
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Ever try weed? Sativa though. Unless it’s bedtime then indicas always good.
You probably know better than anyone that alcohol is the worst thing for depression. I know it too but I keep drinking anyway. With me it’s a conscious effort to destroy myself. Most alcoholics I know feel the same way, it’s sort of a passive suicide. Maybe that’s part of your reason too?
As for being bullied, I don’t think muscles will help you, and in fact I don’t think physique is as much of a factor as we think. It’s more about your attitude, and unfortunately that’s difficult to change.
I’m on the opposite side of that problem. I’m pretty skinny, 130 lbs just under 6ft, but apparently I look like some sort of psycho because everywhere I go people act like I’m holding a live grenade. Cops puff up and stare at me. People I’ve never met call me an a-hole and try to pick fights. So it’s the opposite as you but with the same outcome: people perceive me as a threat so they try to make my life hell.
So I guess there’s not much you can do. If you look different, either weak or threatening, people will hate you. Back to the bottle.
Yeah sounds right but I sink in hopes that after so much it all goes away. It gets worse before it gets better right? There doesn’t seem to be enough for that though.
Drink not sink lol
I’m probably about the same age as you. I am 25, but I have been ready and trying to commit suicide for 15 years already. (I was molested as a child around the time I was 9,10 years) I am not willing to change, suicide is the only thing I’ve ever wanted. Well I’d been molested most every year from 10-15. Sometimes every night of the year. Then it finally stopped for 3 or 4 years. Now I am getting full on raped, molested again and this started 3 years ago. They even started pulling needles and guns on me in the middle of raping me. But enough about that. I am going to kill myself, the sooner the better.