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It hurts to hurt

by suffocated-samantha

Look at me from the outside and tell me, “she has nothing to be sad about, her life is great!” and I say, “step inside my mind for a day and tell me the same thing tomorrow” You cant.. because living in the turmoil, anxiety, depression, bi-polar, obsessive brain that is mine will make you be happy you live in your own head. I cant even remember the last time I felt genuine happiness, and its getting pretty frustrating to wake up and hurt all the time. I want nothing more than to feel okay, to not feel anguish or suicidal. Just for one stinking day..

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4 comments

rocketman 6/3/2019 - 8:32 pm

HI, I hope you get it, and many more, I use to wake up to that everyday, but I allowed comedy into my life, to make me laugh and smile, so my days are more 50/50, it wasn’t easy because it was hard to think about anything funny while being under such stress, but I made time and it works for me. It’s hard to be depressed when your laughing.

suffocated-samantha 6/3/2019 - 9:20 pm

Agreed. That’s pretty much my best coping mechanism. Memes, youtube, friends etc. have saved me in some ways. But sometimes I pretty much “blackout” in those really fun and grand moments like my brain can’t even take in or comprehend the awesome and funny times so when its over and I’m alone my brain goes right back to where it started and i start to question, was i faking it the whole time? am i lying to myself or others about who i really am and how i feel? do they even like me? kinda sucks ya know

rocketman 6/3/2019 - 9:30 pm

Yep my mind does too right back into the cesspool! No your not lying about laughing, that’s just the devil in your ear! you can’t laugh! you belong to me!!!! ha ha ha! the mind switches back and forth tell that fxxxxx to shut up! I need a break! if you have friends they like you!

suffocated-samantha 6/4/2019 - 2:59 am

hmm okay.. “Hey fxxxxxx, shut up! I NEED A BREAK!”

did it work?

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