So I knew this girl K, we were together for more than a year and I really loved her, actually I could imagine spending my whole life with her. We broke up in February, at first it has been more tough for her, but she moved on in like three weeks when she started dating this asshole D who has been around her since we met, she annoyed her all the time adressed her “honey”, “sweetheart” e.g., if there is someone I hate to death it is this guy. When I found out, I just lost it and attempted a suicide by knife, but I could not do it, maybe some little glimpse of hope stopped me from that. I was then at asylum, situation got even worse, I have found out that she just slept with him after 10 days whereas she slept with me after couple of months. So I did it again, but again, I did not lost faith in this world and I just could not complete it. But then I just simply lost any will and zest for living and I tried to swallow some pills but I just vomitted everything out. That was in May, now it is July, I am no longer at asylum, I am at home, but my situation is the same, maybe even worse I really feel like I failed at living.
I just do not understand, why this destroyed me so much and made this useless piece of crap. I am actually slightly above average in IQ, I have something about 120 IQ, never had problem in school in understanding really anything, but I just do not understand love and relationships. She told me, I was the first boy, she truly loved and she changed me for this idiot in just three weeks? Is this how this world works? I really wish to move on, but I just can not. I still have feelings for her and I still want to spent my life with her, but she just deleted me from her life like I never existed. I am really asking my existence right now, I am 190 cm tall and kind of jacked but I am struggling with my emotions like a 13 year girl.
Everyone keeps telling me, that I will find another girl, but I do not feel ready to meet another girl, because I will compare her to my ex and I think there is really small chance that I will be happy with her.