I don’t understand what is going on with me, I just don’t feel joy anymore. Okay I feel some sort of joy momentarily, for example when I see something super interesting or very funny, but these just last a couple of seconds. I don’t have interest in pretty much anything. And when I have the interest I cannot find the energy to pursue it, I’m indifferent to so many things. I’m looking back and seeing that the last time I was happy was back in 2011 or something. And one day in 2015 when I bought myself something that I wasn’t expecting to find. I have nothing that I’m looking forward to, I have no hopes for anything, I don’t expect anything from anyone or from any group of people, and I don’t see the point of anything anymore. I’m already 34, and if I’m going to spend the rest of my life that lonely, all the time, then I don’t see the point. Just gonna continue living for a couple more years and then end it I suppose, I don’t know. Great post.
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The only time I’ve ever been happy was 2012-2015. Well, except of course my days I spent in the mental hospital – those were absolutely the most vile and disgusting, wasteful 90 days of my life and of course one thing I was not happy about was the 70 pounds I gained from those smug self-serving assholes at the mental hospital, and my apparent “condition”. I never had any sort of condition, I was simply homosexual. All that happiness was suddenly stolen from me out of the blue one day in 2016. I may as well have been murdered. It would be no difference. I can no longer be my true self. I can no longer live up to my potential which I was promptly fulfilling before they took everything from me. They took everything I had because I was homosexual and now all that is left is my skin & bones, What they did to me was so bad, I wouldn’t be surprised if it was intentional or premeditated murder. Now, I live every day knowing I am going to die and it’s only so long. But if there’s one thing I know, that would be it. Ha. Gotta love crackheads
Why don’t you visit mental hospital? It could be the answer. Depression can be cured. especially by professional Doctors.
Things are gray, it’s weird. The cool thing is you’re honest to yourself about it. A lot of people seem pretty skilled at distracting themselves from their own truths these days. I guess it would upset me to see it, so many just faces buried in their cellphones in public, and other examples. But I guess now feel more like, well I guess they just gotta do what they gotta do to get by. There’s no answer nor advice here, just that, yeah, I understand where you’re coming from