Hi,
What is concerning me and why I am reaching out is that I frequently have violent thoughts and desires.
To be specific, if someone does something that annoys me or (to be frank) threatens my ego: I want to shoot, stab, bludgeon, punch, kick, burn, and torture said person to death. This is what I sincerely want to do in these circumstances, no matter how outlandish it may sound.
If you were to observe me, you might not guess that this is what runs through my mind as I generally try to keep my appearance well-groomed and sport a controlled demeanor most of the time. I’m also not physically imposing as I am relatively short and built frail.
Assumptions like that, I believe, are what contribute to the danger of this issue.
I have lost it a few times and while I never seriously physically harmed anyone, I have seriously emotionally harmed some close relatives with what I’ve said. I think it had such a profound effect because they didn’t expect any of it from me until it happened.
To keep things short: this kind of mentality is extremely dangerous for others, never-mind myself. I fear that if I leave this unchecked then premeditation might become action and I would end up regretting it.
Would anyone happen to have some coping methods or skills they would like to share for this disposition? I would greatly appreciate advice.
I would also like to just clarify that this is not a threat or suggestion of any kind. It’s just something that has been bugging me for years now and I find it important to hear from others about this.
Thanks.
3 comments
I think what you are describing here is a much more primative emotional experience, back in older times before the people who went and began to profit off of law and control, there was no law. So, as the barbaric would, if they got the urge to murder, they would use their basic instincts and sense of morality to decide whether or not they really should, would, could kill this other barbarian and if they decided there was good reason, they’d battle it out. If there was no law and order, me being so frightened by strange, strange, strangers, I’m sure I would kill all the time – that is just what they had to do to survive back then.
I’m like everyone else, who doesn’t get upset when rejected or annoys me or (to be frank) threatens my ego:,
But physically hurting people never enter my mind, I could be very good at that, but in the end I’d regret it, the punishment has to be fair stabbing someone for hurting my ego is really over the top for example 🙂
What I do is get away from the situation and”think”
Depending on the situation brings me to a conclusion and or a reaction.
A few examples:
If the person is an idiot I avoid him/her, why do something to an idiot that may effect my life?
If the person is close to me, don’t ever ask for my help I’ll just smile and say I’m sorry I can’t help you.
The most important thing is who is this person? Would I want to be that person? If not I’d pity them and be glad I’m me and not them. To date that settles most situations in my mind.
I will not allow anyone to make me angry or hate, I’m a nice person and living with those things in your heart is not living.
If I do my best to avoid them but they won’t leave me alone I will bend them over 🙂
Wise words, Rocketman.