Here once again

It’s 4:30 in the morning and no one will listen to my stupid nonsense. It’s been a little over a year since my last post on here and I’m basically in the exact same boat still. I’m still bald at 20, I haven’t had sex in 4 years, I’m down to just a handful of friends, and now to throw an even bigger wrench in my plot, I’ve come to terms with the fact that I’m trans which is exactly what I need living in rural New York. I know my friends care about me cause they still won’t let me die no matter how badly I want to, but what’s the point? So I can trudge through week after week of the same old song and dance? I’m on antidepressants and I still just can’t seem to put in the slightest bit of effort into fixing my situation, it’s mind boggling. I know I’m still too much of a wimp to even go through with killing myself too, and I just genuinely don’t know what to do. I’ve been just trying to take it day by day and it has its ups and downs now thanks to the meds but fuck, when it rains it pours. I know I just need to get my ass in gear, lose some damn weight, and just fucking transition but I’m just too damn lazy. I just wanted to vent a little, thanks for reading.