escapism or whatever, i just need to feel loved or something positive so desperately. there are certain books and mangas have been giving me these beautiful dopamine rush. i forget about who i am, where i am, and i drawn in the pleasant sensation that goes from my arms to my stomach, my back.
it feels so good, well, but just like every time, when you go under the sun and return back everything just feels dimmer than they originally are.
i’m physically attached to it, when it comes, almost like an asmr tingle, i float up in the clouds.but i won’t always get them. for now they are physically making me feel better
update, i fucking hate myself again i hope i disappear from everyones mind so i can hang myself all alone and die without an identity!
3 comments
Dang, everything was so beautiful until that last paragraph. Yeah, theres a saying that goes something along the lines of, after the ecstasy of our greatest joy, the devils laughter can be heard in the silence that follows. Just like when you’ve hit rock bottom, the only way to go is up, what goes up, must come down. Just like nature never stays still, our minds never stay still. It sucks when the fun times are over and the world is ugly again, but if you wade through that swamp of despair that follows, you’ll eventually find green pastures again. It takes patience though.
Closure in the form of dating might be key.
but titanic sold out at the box office so maybe you just have a big heart