I hesitate to write here because there isn’t really anything new. People are awful, I try to be kind and get taken advantage of and keep thinking that “this time things will be different.” The thoughts of wanting to die stay with me as much as I shake them off. I’m not worried that I’m going to try to kill myself because life is pretty much the same shit it has been and it’s been about 10 years since I’ve attempted anything. Things aren’t really that bad but today feels heavy and hard. I’m not in the mood to excuse everyone’s shit. I don’t want to be touched, I don’t want to be vented to, I don’t have it in me to hear about anything or anyone. I don’t want to look at my house, which is a mess. I don’t want to go home. I don’t want to go anywhere else either though. I am dating a person and while that brings me some joy, the sadness and loneliness always fight their way in and the thoughts of “she doesn’t really love you,” “no one really cares,” “people will never treat you well,” “you don’t deserve to be treated well” will always wage a fucking war on my heart. Everyone is struggling to be kind to each other, although I see some people making more efforts than other people. Most people are garbage people. Maybe I’m a garbage person. Hopefully this all ends soon and I won’t have to deal with all of the things. No need to leave comments, not sure that they really matter.