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by ourdarkestparadise

It’s been a long time since I’ve posted here.

Things are slightly better, thanks to the shittier years before this one i failed school, I’m not that caught up on it because I’m stuck in the mentality that it doesn’t really matter because one day I’ll die and who cares about if I failed school then.

I’m almost 18, I’ve never had a proper job and I still can’t drive, every time i try to apply myself to these situations I have horrible panic attacks and can never bring myself to do it.

I hate my body and my soul, every time i try help myself through a therapist or medication, I always fuck up, why do i have to be so self destructive. I feel as if i am disappointing everyone around me and there is no way I can stop it.

I haven’t self harmed in over a year, it was hard to stop but it got easier. I don’t know why but recently its getting harder and harder to stop myself. I want it so bad, and I know I shouldn’t but for some reason it helped.

I don’t know what to do.

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BummerBum 2/5/2020 - 10:01 pm

If having a job is difficult because of people, maybe you could work as a dishwasher at a fast food joint nearby. You won’t have to interact with people much, and you’ll be making money too. If driving is too stressful, maybe you could bike (depending on how far of course) . You would get terrific exercise and save A TON of money. Cars are money pits. I remember someone in their 30s who biked everywhere. Failing high school is not that big of a deal. Many high schools will bend over backwards to get you passed, because it makes them look bad if you don’t. Even if not, you can get a ged (similar to diploma), and even if not that, many jobs out there don’t require a diploma. You don’t have to do things “the right way.” You just gotta find something that works for YOU.

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