Headphones

I think I’ll start posting consistently again for a bit. I just feel like everything is leaking out, so I might as well vomit it into this cesspit. It’s kind of sad. Coming here for sympathy when most of the people here are in abusive relationships, addicts, cutters, etc. My problems are relatively small compared to all that. Anyways, I’ve always have my headphones on. Not the small ones that go into your ear. I’m talking about the big over-ear ones. With big squishy cups for the ears. I just feel comfortable with them on. Not even when I’m listening to anything. Right now I’m completely alone in my apartment and have no reason to have them on, but I just feel at ease with them on. I do this when I’m at school. I do this at home. I do this when I’m trying to fall asleep. I just feel comfortable with them on. I don’t know why. It just feels nice. I’m trying to keep myself occupied. I’m trying not to think about it. I just need to refocus. All these little problems. They always seem so small. And so big. Spring break got extended a week and now all my classes are online for the rest of the semester. Wonder how that will work. I think I’m going back home again. I was there just a few days ago, but being alone in this apartment seems somehow more miserable. Yet I still feel it when I’m at home too. I don’t think I can be satisfied regardless of where I am. At least at home I’ll be away from this disgusting apartment. The tub isn’t filled with gross dirt at the bottom and the floor boards aren’t caked with dirt and grime. I try to occupy my mind, but I still don’t know how it’s going to go. Either way, I don’t know what I’m doing. BTW watch Beastars on Netflix. It’s really good, if you like that cheesy drama crap. I feel bad for the Wolf Kid. Just wants to be left alone, but people keep giving him shit. He also doesn’t know how to compartmentalize his feelings and doesn’t know how to process his romantic emotions. Reading the manga now. Hope life gets better for him. It has to get better for someone.