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Warped

by Wisp

Not suicide related

I don’t think the past abuse will ever really escape me. I can’t magically erase years upon years of psychological abuse from my mind. I’m always going to have those memories. Apart from that, I’m just a sad excuse for a human being all around. I don’t really care about anyone (I admit it, some can’t :P). I don’t even seem to care about making sure my ex gets enough sleep, or goes to sleep at the right time. I told him that I’ll actually help this time. Meh. I’m just going to feel like a parent now :/

My own sleeping is all over the place, and i don’t seem to care much. I don’t plan on asking him to help out with my sleep anytime soon.

I do nothing productive with my days. Why would i want friends (I don’t deserve them anyway)…? I was talking to a woman i volunteered with a few weeks ago and i told her that i didn’t really have any interests and she looked at me as if i was some sort of freak. Anyone is going to find out how sad and pathetic i am and how pathetic my life is…

It’s obvious that i don’t belong in this world, but I’ll be here to stay. I think i don’t even see the point of dying either. But I’m not scared of death. Either way i have to stick around, i sadly have commitments.

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a1957 4/25/2020 - 12:39 pm

“I don’t think the past abuse will ever really escape me. ” Your words, my thoughts. Yesterday I was thinking about the abuse too. If I live, I live with it. If I die, it dies. The injustice on me did not end with emancipation but will only end at the grave.

The therapist has taken a ton of the affects of it away, but it still powerfully affects my thoughts.

Your words, your thoughts, are like those of trauma victims.

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