Ah, this site. You just can’t escape it. First posted here when I was 16 and now I’m almost 30. Been away for a decade and now I’m back. I’m writing this not having any idea what I’m going to write, very rare for me. Hoping that I’m going to find someone here , even though I don’t know who I’m looking for. Pretending that this post won’t be just a flash in the sea of other posts.
Who I am looking for? I guess there are several answers. First is someone who goes through the similar thing I am going through. Someone who thought he escaped depression of their younger years and made a life for himself. Future seemed bright. And then something got fucked up. Everything had fallen apart like a house of cards. They are back feeling like shit and thinking about suicide, oh but it’s so much worse now. Now there are responsibilities, debt, mortgages, loveless marriages, maybe even children… In one word, you cannot just go to your room and put on your favourite depressive song. Now, the word “trapped” has a new meaning. And “failure”, too. And you feel like you’re going to fucking jump out of the window at any point and yet you’re still here, a year later, and wondering how the fuck it’s been a year already. And maybe you reached a point where you decided that you are ready to drop everything and make a revolution in your life, but you just don’t know what to do, and most of all, you feel so burnt out. Everything seems so pointless. You are so fucking tired all the time that you just want to rest, but at the same time you feel like there is no time, because, despite doing all this stuff, you are doing NOTHING, you are wasting your life. And despite all those motivational stories of people starting their life again that you see on the Internet, you feel like it’s not gonna be your story. You are a failure.
So yeah, if it feels like you know what I’m talking about, I would really love to be able to talk to someone who understands, because I’m so alone with this.
Or you can be a random teenager who wants such a pen pal. Random, i know, but for some reason I find this appealing. Maybe because I feel so fucking old it would be sth that would take me back to a place when I was suffering, but not completely dead inside
13 comments
Hey, would you be interested in a joining a discord server for us sp folks? Not sure if that’s what you’re looking for or not, but it’s something I guess.
Reading between the lines, I can see you figured it out already. There is no escape from this. It only gets worse.It’s good that you still have some hope because you’re reaching out and trying to make friends, or at least trying to find people you can commiserate with. I hope that can help ease your anguish. But I think we all know where this road ends.
Yeah, unfortunately. At this point in my life, I just gave up trying. Just come what may. Not to be a pessimist but that’s what I’ve gone through. If people come in and stay in your life, then good but if not, then just have to accept that things are the way they are now, I guess :/
Please join this discord server. You can talk or chat us any time in real time.
discord. gg/ ykaXTX
Server was made by Teresa’s Child.
This is very much in common with why I have recently (shamefully) came back to this site. I am not always as down putting as I have been lately and would definitely like to talk and help you out as best I could. If you would like to talk you can add me personally on discord (since the previous comments mention Discord). My info is pagliacci#6137
Correction, my info is pagliacci#6127
Ok, i will try to get on the discord server soon, for all the people who messaged me about it. We shall see what will happen
I feel like I could have written this myself. I’m sorry you’re in this situation. If you ever want to talk let me know.
Here is hoping things do get better because as much a dying sounds right it isn’t that easy.
Hey, let’s exchange emails then. I do wanna talk, really, cause I truly feel so alone with this. Maybe, just maybe, talking with another person who goes through the same thing will make some positive impact
Rikugato@ Gmail. Com
I’ll try and check it. 😉
As hard as it is I can understand you and no much that can add to your story. But a positive attitude always help, we must break the cycle. Failures, we all have some or many, so times our faults, some times world that persist in bringing us to pieces. The envy, the jelousy, the revange, the super power, the narcissits, the never wrong but always evil and on and on. So do not look at what is broken and it is not there, do not look at what could be or you do not have, do not look at the failures. Look into the light of a new day, you are still alive and while we have life, there are always we can do, even when the world against us and pushing us to the limits, destroying every little piece of us. It helps me a lot to do something good for others, smile to others when I want to cry, look at happy people or happy stories, give something to someone I love or even to stranger. I have an story, and it is the saddest story ever. But do, do our best, that is the only thing we can do. Do not dwell in what is wrong, look at what could be right or it is right. If you need a friend or someone to talk, I am here for you and I care. Life is not over. Try again.
I did something really good for two different people a while back. One of them has returned nothing but positive things as a result – and I continue to do good things for him on the regular, and he continues to return the sentiment in kind whenever he can. The other person has turned my entire world into a quagmire of anxiety, stress, suicidal depression and dysphoria that ebbs and flows with the opposing shore of confidence and a positive outlook. It’s so disorienting that I figure I might as well give up trying to figure out where I am.
I can sort of relate. I had an epiphany a while back, like a dark, foreboding epiphany of horrible things, that not only am I doomed to be alone for the rest of my life (to various degrees, but always ending up that way after a time), but I’ll also be stuck working the worst kinds of jobs out there, with any opportunity to advance being carved into a veneer of the company, hiding all those nasty office people behind it pilfering all the revenue for themselves. I feel older than dirt, too, but it’s sometimes a misnomer to think of dirt as old. Sometimes it’s pretty fresh if a cow’s been walking around nearby, for example. Young dirt is the worst, though.