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Adding substance use to self harm and a long list of faulty coping mechanisms

by velveteennightingale

I trusted you.  I told you things I didn’t tell anyone else.  You played with how I felt about you.  And now I feel more alone than ever.

It is the eve of a loved one’s birthday who passed away years and years ago, and it still brings up the dark feelings of powerlessness and abandonment that I have felt my entire life.  Years and years later, I still feel the pain of people in my life leaving me.  And the one person who makes me feel okay, who makes me believe that some people can stay, I can no longer confide in because…here’s the truth…I love you and that’s why communicating with you makes me feel worse than I did before, when I was all alone.  CAN ONE PERSON PLEASE JUST LOVE ME BACK AS MUCH AS I LOVE THEM PLEASE PLEASE

I feel dead inside.  I’ve started abusing substances.  I still feel dead.  What’s the point of living if I am incapable of being loved or even feeling alive?

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