it never ends

Every day its the same thing, a deep pain inside of me that pushes me to have no motivation or will to live. It just keeps getting harder. All the people in my town are stuck up and have huge egos. No one ever cares. It is so hard to live in a world where everyone can just betray and ridicule me. I don’t want to be on this planet but I don’t want to be selfish either. No one understands how much they hurt me and they continue to step all over me. One day I will believe things are getting better and be happy im still alive, but then everyday for the next year just pushes me to the edge. Ive been bullied every since I was little and now im just so fucked up I don’t want to deal with it anymore. this one girl from my town posted a video after me and my ex broke up saying “they just broke up, im going to get with him so she wants to kill herself”. everyone just tries to hurt me. I don’t know how I will ever see the good in anything. it is so hard to believe anything that anyone ever tells me because everyone lies and deceits for their own benefit. Everyone has always just used me, whether it be for a ride, some weed, or sex. it just feels so horrible being alive in a world where I have no power even over my emotions. I don’t want to be here anymore, I just make my parents so disappointed because I can’t do anything and I have anxiety attacks all the time. this isn’t what living should feel like. I don’t want to be alone anymore, I just want to go back to where we all came from.