I have never understood why suicide is a bad thing. There are times – so many times – that is makes sense. My mom died from ALS and believe me, she would have been better off ending her life. Not that I wanted her to die. God, I miss her so much. No one should have to live a life they do not want. This is my opinion. Of course I am not suggesting others should feel this way, but I do. And I want to die. It’s not just a matter of not wanting to live. I genuinely want to die.
Suicide makes sense now for me. It is the kindest, most loving thing I can do. I am no longer needed in this world and have no purpose for living. I don’t have a single friend. I can’t remember the last time I was happy. I can’t remember the last time I was at peace. I want to go the fuck home, but my home is gone. I am tired and finished. I can’t find one single reason to go on. This has been my feeling for at least a year and this fucking non-lethal virus bullshit has made life even worse. I didn’t think that was possible, but it sure as fuck was. I just want to be at peace at the time I die.
Since I can’t post methods, all I can say is I must do this before I lose my car. If done right, I should just go to sleep and never wake up. I have checked into what happens to a person when they voluntarily stop eating or drinking. I think the weakness from that state will allow for an easier and more timely death.
I don’t give a fuck what is beyond this world. All know for sure is it can’t possibly be any fucking worse than this place.
4 comments
People around us make it sound so bad, even though I’m on your side – it’s not. We all die and no one blames you, if you suddenly croak from an illness. Sounds illogical. I guess it takes more than one reason, to go on… It takes a whole Armee for great things, to at least consider dropping that thought. I think not eating and drinking is a long and very difficult way to do that.. but I guess it’s also a good way to test our limits. Yeah, you’re right. If it’s worse than this world, I’ll just find a way to get out of THAT world again.^^ The cycle continues… Well, this comment wasn’t helpful whatsoever, sorry about that.
As long as there is some way you can go into tomorrow in a halfway reasonable way, I think you should soldier on. That’s what I do anyways. Lord knows Ive got my limits though. Maybe you’ve hit yours.
I’m sorry that she died.
Tbh if people don’t have any commitments in life, like needing to care for elderly parents, caring for kids, stuff like that, I think people should be free to die, it’s their life.
Well even if they did have commitments, if they could arrange someone to take over the care, then I suppose they could go too. But a kid losing a parent to suicide will probably be traumatized for a long, long time, if not forever.
It sucks.
Elliecats, I cannot imagine how difficult it was to lose your mother in this way. I am so sorry.
Do you have any other family in your life?