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by alwayslonely

Tomorrow is my 16th birthday but I just want to die, I wish I was never born. I feel like such a failure, I don’t have any friends and I’m failing school. I heard my parents arguing about me earlier, I know I’m a disappointment and my dad constantly reminds me . I don’t want to celebrate life tomorrow I want to end it. I’m so afraid of what will happen when I die but I can’t stand existing any longer.


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untalentedandugly 11/21/2020 - 12:17 am

Hey, I can relate. I was doing well in high school beside being severely depressed. I was top 10, in sports, and decent looking. It wasn’t good enough for my parents. My mother wanted a daughter she could brag about. She knew I was depressed. I went on to tell her how I felt. She went hit me and call me the devil. She would beat me when I didn’t do what she liked until I was 18 (I can’t remember exactly, my mind has blocked out a lot of the physical abuse). She also verbally bullied me. I’m not going to lie…my mother did provide me with food, home, and physical care. But, she was never there for me emotionally, neither was my dad.
I made the mistake of staying at home for college. Long story short, I racked up 15k debt (for a degree I hardly care for), lost my bf, and lost all my friends.
I should’ve dormed. I should’ve left. There’s still a chance for you to be happy! Move away when you turn 18. If you’re not happy then, at least you tried. I wish I could be in your position again. It’d be hard, but I would be so much happier. For your sake, please leave your parents home. If it doesn’t work out, then you can consider your options.

postalservice 11/23/2020 - 5:04 am

That’s hard, going through high school without a close friend. Especially when you’re faced with bratty schoolmates and nobody gets it on your side.. you know?

My best friend went through the same thing. He hated school. It felt like shit going everyday. His grades were horrible, he cut himself, he starved himself-
He had a girlfriend for a year… All was good,but she was really manipulative/charming. She left him for some indie punk with emo hair and filled his head with lies, for no reason~ She spread rumors about my friend/claiming he raped her/beat her etc… He received anonymous phone calls with death threats… People glared… Her parents talked to other parents, it was a nightmare.
So he thought about suicide, and told me he was going to hang himself. I was sort of close with his mom, and I told her about it.

That’s when the big conversation happened: Dropping out/ home schooling/ trying to go back to public school. The choices.
His parents were against him taking classes at home, because they thought he wouldn’t learn to talk to other people. (which isn’t true)
They let him do schooling at home after he persisted with them, basically begging them. I haven’t heard him cry in all of my years knowing him, but he was absolutely miserable.
He did well enough/ graduated with a normal diploma.
We’re 26 now – He has two books of poetry out and has been published in two magazines and another author’s book. (it sounds big, but really just a humble start to his writing career. trial and error there, too. he hated his first book of poetry.)
But, my point is that you definitely aren’t the only one who feels like that. And public school isn’t for everyone, either.

I’m here if you want to vent, sorry this was lengthy. In times like this, it’s good to connect and point out why you’re unique and why you’re worth pushing past high school to start in the big world.

postalservice 11/23/2020 - 5:10 am

(Forgot to mention that when he and I were 15, he wanted to be a rockstar, big famous. {Cute how different we were at different ages.} That’s when we found David Bowie, Bob Dylan, Velvet Underground etc. ) -I still have the poem he wrote when he was 15, too… about pretty girls and neon lights ahah
Happy Birthday (:

JudgeMeNot 11/29/2020 - 10:48 pm


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