Something I’ve never come to grips with and learned to work to my advantage merely because I don’t have the fucking patience and I don’t want to live in a world like that, I want to live in a world of people I identify with, is the fact that most people are so stupid that it’s hard to believe. Did god play some cosmic joke on us? I really don’t mean this as an insult, I really don’t: I know I’m not the only who to this day is still immobilized by the incredulity of it all; This is not how I saw life going. Is life supposed to be this difficult? Why is communication stifled at every turn? Do you see what I’m saying? If you do, you know, it’s something difficult to describe, isn’t it? It’s like a horror show. You can’t believe people are actually this stupid and this hard to deal with, I thought we were the same kind? I thought we were supposed to get along? I thought… I lost my train of thought again. Because I’m so often screaming into the void, that I’ve become… Like on autopilot. It’s been so long since I’ve talked to someone who could actually “wake me up”… (Does that mean I’m stupid?) Does anyone know what I’m saying? I’m detached from reality. It’s like I like I exist in a vacuum.
Back to the point… When I was 6, I was in a children’s behavioral psyche ward or something to that effect, and they had just handed out candy, and I got a blueberry sucker. I was playing video games in the corner when this one lumbering lady asked why my tongue was blue and started freaking out and contacted some of the other staff about it. Bro… Like…I know I’m not describing this well so it’s probably making me look worse, but take my word for it, she was really slow. And she was a medical professional. I don’t know.
I don’t know. It’s like my brain won’t allow me to say what I want to say here, because to do so would be to break out of the matrix. I feel like I’ve lived this moment before. I’m getting an intense sense of deja-vu right now. I think I kill myself soon. Point failed to deliver once again, nobody knows what the fuck I’m talking about. Congratulations to me. I can’t even retain my thoughts long enough to get them out coherently on a screen. Every time I try I just fail. I don’t even know what I’m talking about at this point. Fuck me. Fuck this pathetic post. All I need to do is get a gun.