I’m tired…just so tired

I don’t know how to not push the pain away anymore. There’s something inside of me that I can’t get out. All this sadness, pain and suffering is about to burst. I wake up and think to myself, “Again? I have to do this all over again?”. I don’t have the guts to kill myself but I believe I shouldn’t be able to use that easy way out. Maybe I was meant to suffer. I’m stuck in my head and I can’t get out.  No matter how much I yell and scream I’m just sent further back into this black hole that’s always crushing me. I’m tired of having hope and it being thrown back into the dirt. I’m just so tired…