General it’s almost christmas eve here but I feel so empty… by niki 12/23/2020 written by niki 12/23/2020 3 comments 0 Email Related posts I’m really sick 10/3/2023 What good is knowledge when you can’t use... 10/1/2023 UBI and Depression 10/1/2023 Dumb Affirmations 10/1/2023 I Wonder If I Should Burn That Shirt 10/1/2023 I’m looking out for me 9/30/2023 Mediocrity 9/30/2023 I don’t fit, I can’t fit 9/29/2023 I’ll be honest I can’t stand being Trans... 9/29/2023 Life is Worth Saving 9/28/2023 3 comments Once 12/24/2020 - 12:19 am Few things suck like this. Log in to Reply Virus.Found 12/24/2020 - 4:01 am It’s time to put on our fake smiles a bit brighter now.! 🙂 Log in to Reply Soda 12/25/2020 - 4:55 am Christmas used to be a very special time for me when I was a kid. I loved the lights, decorations on the tree, the time with family and looking forward to opening presents. My parents deserved a lot of credit for making it a great experience. I was so far removed from the harsh realities of life. So I thank them for that and if I ever get married/have kids they’ll definitely get the same mostly wonderful childhood I had. Today though it’s largely lost its meaning, it’s just another day (same for other holidays). So I wonder why some people still get emotional over it. Perhaps they had negative experiences around this time of year with family. At the same time there’s been a lot of division in my own family-we used to be close but through arguments we drifted apart. I don’t really care to see them but aside from some friends I don’t have too many people in my life so I hang on to those I still have. There really isn’t a lot keeping me here, except the hope that things will change and get better for me over time and that I can make up for what I felt I missed out on. But I think some of the beautiful traditions that we have in the West certainly makes life better and maybe worth living. If you’re alone for the holidays…you don’t really have to feel lonely, it’s just a mindset. I have friends/family as mentioned but I really don’t feel like I’m missing anything, so neither should you. I guess I should be grateful, despite the hardships in my life, I still have a nice little bubble I live in which meets most of my needs and keeps me content for now. I could’ve been worse off so that’s my only consolation, but if I was much worse off then I wouldn’t stick around and suffer needlessly. Some could say that life was unfair to them, I’d say it’s partly true for me, but mostly it was fair. I was given many, many chances for happiness and better career opportunities, sometimes I made the right choice but most of the time I missed out largely because I was either arrogant, complacent or too hesitant to take them. So I admit my fault. Unfortunately I wised up too late in life, it’s too bad it’s a one-shot deal and there are no ‘do-overs.’ You have to be smart from the start or learn fast to succeed. For now I’ll live with my sorrows and regrets in the hope that someday I will find some happiness in life but if I don’t, at least I can say I tried. In some ways I look forward for all of it to be over one day. Log in to Reply Leave a Comment Cancel ReplyYou must be logged in to post a comment.Subscribe to comments: Don't subscribe All Replies to my comments Notify me of followup comments via e-mail. You can also subscribe without commenting.