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internal dialogue

by system

I can’t take it
i can’t I can’t i can’t
get out of my head
get out of my head
get OUT OF MY HEAD

I hate him
why did he do this to me?? why did he make me do all those things?? i want to tear my flesh open my skin is fucikgin crawling
I HATE YOU ****** you took EVERYTHING FROM ME

YOU TURNED MY 8 YEARS OF ABUSE INTO 9.  THIS BODY IS NO LONGER MINE, YOUR NAME IS ENGRAVED IN IT.

im at my fucking breaking point.  i’m VERY close to making an extremely irreversible impulsive decision.  would that make you happy, ******???? oh wait, you tried to STOP ME FROM IT AFTER YOU MADE ME SLICE MY FACE OPEN.  GOD FORBID THAT YOUR PRECIOUS SACRIFICIAL LAMB C O M M I T S  S U I C I D E!  then who will you have to torture and destroy???

im in so much pain please make it stop

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4 comments

Once 2/27/2021 - 6:34 am

Get the pain out here. Don’t keep it inside. Turn it into vile words that describe the vile acts of an evil person. Let it out, right here. That shit will kill you, which is what he’d like, but f*ck that. If you exit at your own hand let it be for your own reasons, not his agenda. Nothing I or anyone else can say will cure your pain. All that can be done now is to process it, learn from it, and try to avoid it in the future. Vent, here, make it as brutal as you need, you’re not censoring it and that’s good. You’re better than what he made you believe, better than his lies. You can heal and recuperate, to an extent. You will be forever changed as a result of him, but here you are, getting some of it out, recognizing it for the lies it is/was. Lies. Untruths and manipulations, the acts of an inhuman coward. Get it out, System. It’s toxic, and you’re doing what needs to be done. You didn’t deserve this filth, and you have an opportunity to begin the painful process of moving through and eventually past it, just know the only way is THROUGH it, not around it. Take care. No reply needed.

Mf 2/28/2021 - 12:42 am

Everything Once said x2, you need to let that hurt and pain out and well, that’s kinda what this place is for.

Escherichia 2/27/2021 - 3:46 pm

How are you now?

system 3/4/2021 - 12:09 am

im in a lot of pain, thank you for checking in.

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