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temptation

by system

i’m tempted to do it; to take a butcher’s knife and just cut off the flesh in which his name is engraved.  i would take back my power and erase him from me.  this vessel is no longer mine.  i want to tear off my skin.  i feel ashamed and disgusting to have ever been in his control.  i have not yet figured out how to un-train myself to sit, stay, and lay down.  the fear is embedded in my soul and my entire being.

i’m tempted to do it, if i’m lucky i might just bleed out

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14 comments

pa47385 3/1/2021 - 7:56 am

you could obscure the original meaning of the scar, the original pattern, by adding new scars over it. there is this so-called “body modification community”, where you could look for ideas, tattoo artists could also have some ideas for this, and plastic surgeons could be of help here in reducing the visibility of the scars or grafting skin over them. i don’t think that cutting out a chunk of skin yourself would be a good idea

pa47385 3/1/2021 - 9:30 am

take photos, load them into photoshop, try to be creative about it, consider all the options, what would suit you best. this thing alone doesn’t take away your future from you.

pa47385 3/1/2021 - 9:55 am

and also, i think that you should be looking for other victims of this exact kind of abuse. this site doesn’t have other people like you, but you aren’t the only victim of this, and police should be doing something about this, and laws should be put in place to prevent this from happening. even having a database of scars and of incidents like this could be helpful, this person might be just some jerk who is branding one victim after another.

system 3/1/2021 - 12:25 pm

the FBI is handling it.

Abnormal.Thoughts 3/1/2021 - 8:56 am

I’m unsure of this name is a tattoo or a scar but either way it could be covered up with a tattoo, I had a scar carved into my arm that said death, I always tried to hide it but one of my coworkers asked about it once and so off I went to get a tattoo. It worked out great, now I don’t see it and think about it as much either and I don’t have to hide it.

system 3/1/2021 - 12:24 pm

it’s a scar.

Once 3/1/2021 - 1:52 pm

I’m totally ignorant of the options, but agree with pa4’s suggestion of a modification. There’s got to be someone in the industry who would welcome the challenge of altering the offending scar… it must be misery to have to look at and live with it right now. Again, I know nothing about it, but wonder if maybe some type of skin graft is an option, although that’s heading into more of a surgical direction…

pa47385 3/1/2021 - 2:27 pm

people shouldn’t listen to me. i’m an idiot. i always focus on the irrelevant technical aspect because i can’t relate to anything ever. it’s, like, the only thing that gets through the filter.

the only thing i could say is, that i think that everything that system feels is valid, i don’t think that anyone could say that those feelings are wrong or irrelevant.

Soda 3/1/2021 - 3:42 pm

There are clinics that specialize in laser tattoo removal, it won’t be cheap but it’s a lot better than self-harming and damaging your skin…you can also talk to a doctor about it.

system 3/1/2021 - 3:43 pm

It’s not a tattoo.

Soda 3/2/2021 - 1:36 am

Another option is scar-excision, but it’s really a question for medical professionals.

ungrateful_bastard 3/3/2021 - 4:02 pm

Self harm/ no- do it right- find a bad boy. Be his bad girl. a reliable, responsible f*ckboy and make him sting your skin the healthy burning way-

system 3/6/2021 - 12:11 am

I’m a minor and I really don’t appreciate comments like this. This made me extremely uncomfortable.

ungrateful_bastard 3/3/2021 - 4:04 pm

And dominate if you must ha

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