i’m tempted to do it; to take a butcher’s knife and just cut off the flesh in which his name is engraved. i would take back my power and erase him from me. this vessel is no longer mine. i want to tear off my skin. i feel ashamed and disgusting to have ever been in his control. i have not yet figured out how to un-train myself to sit, stay, and lay down. the fear is embedded in my soul and my entire being.
i’m tempted to do it, if i’m lucky i might just bleed out
I am scared that I will kill myself one of these days.
I am a Christian. I was raised in an environment that told me suicide is a sin (the whole suicide is the murder of oneself, and murder is a no-no).
I am an immigrant. My parents emigrated from their birth place so I could have a better future. I’m tired of being such a failure to them. I know that I’ve fallen way short from their expectations and I feel like I’ve failed them when they’ve placed so much hope in me. I feel like I’m a waste of space, a financial drain on them. […]
She woke up today feeling happy till she heard the screeching of her mothers voice. She had overslept. The kids were not ready for school and she did not have breakfast ready. She was so tired from the night before from having to meet two men.
She slowly got out of bed afraid of what her mother would do when she saw her. She raced quickly getting the small children up and on the bus. As they left she slipped the money onto the piano for her mother, knowing she was expecting it. She found it not quite fair that she had to sneak out of the house […]
I stayed away from Collin for a day. He told me to call and sure enough I did. What happened? He let it go to voicemail, he was testing me to see if I was still there. Possibly sitting around for him when I was not.
I am slowly slipping away from the real world and wanting this all to be a fantasy. I want to be loved but you can never force someone to love you or that will push them farther away. Men like Collin just want to know that no matter what, someone will always be there to catch them when they fall, but when it is your […]
I was thinking back about when I started to self-harm. It’s not really clear to me, but I think it’s a long time ago. I’m now 17 and I can remember that at an age of 10 I was already self-mutilating. Things like bang my head against the wall when I was not feeling well and hurting myself by means of abusing to myself, provoking quarrels and so on. Maybe I started earlier, but at an age of ten I can remember it very well. Therefor I can remember I was nail biting, but not other things that can be specify as self-mutilating behavior. The […]
Cutting those cuts,
feeling the razor blade slice into your skin,
seeing the blood flow…
No, I know it sure,
I will never heal of self mutilation.
NEVER
And those scars will always stay…
ALWAYS
There will come more of them.
Because the feeling I get is indiscribable.
Feeling that pain that’s going through my whole body,
feeling something and feeling numb,
feeling like it’s my best friend,
my best help,
the only thing I can trust.
Yeah, that blade and that stanley knife are really MY best friends.
A little poem written by myself:
And then you’re sitting there,
crying in the corner of the […]
Today I was asked one good thing about myself… the only thing I could think of was my scars. I hate that I can’t find a single good thing about myself besides my self mutilation.
I have been dealing with depression for 8 painful years, and have had a self mutilation additction for seven of those eight. I have my ups and downs, but lately I feel like my depression has taken a turn for the worst. I have always felt it mentally and emotionally, but the physical symptoms of depression were always minor. That is… until recently. I couldn’t tell you what triggered my depression this time around. I haven’t the slightest clue. Maybe I’m lonely. Maybe I’m scared. Maybe I feel lost because my youth is very quickly leaving me.
I can’t eat. Every time I even look at food I’m […]
just feeling so down today……….. hae been seeing a psychologist and my thoughts of self mutilation and suicide went away for a while but the past couple days ive just felt terrible and hae been thinkin of so many ways to just make everything stop. anyone know any tactics to help get back into a good mindset or to stop the saddness??
It was a bread knife.
Long, cold, and serrated.
Just what I needed.
I still remember the first time I pulled that knife across my arm; I had been so, so stupid, doing it where everyone could see. It was so obvious, the four gashes on my forearm. It had been near impossible to hide them. My mom noticed the long sleeved hoodies, but I think she was too afraid to ask. It just escalated from there. I moved from bread knives, to scissors, to my shaving razor, to the box cutter my mom left lying around one day. It’s still tucked away in my box of special things.
I […]
If you’re here, it is fairly likely that the specter of suicide is in your life.
Maybe you have attempted it before, or many times like me. Perhaps the fifth anniversary of your most serious soiree into intentional drug overdose is on 6 March, like mine is.
And maybe, in the last five years, you have come to understand that at some level suicide will remain in the back of your mind. The bitter temptation of self-murder, when it translates into serious action that isn’t simply an attempt to gain perfectly understandable emotional support, is a cankerous thing. Each attempt makes the next more and more likely. […]
Hey,
I haven’t posted here before. Actually, I feel a bit out of place among all the angst-filled teenagers and people who have real problems and shit like that. What’s my problem? Hard to put down in words, I guess, though I spend a lot of time trying to do it. I’m 33, I’ve lived a comfortable, middle-class life with kind, if emotionally-distant, parents. Did well enough at school. Went on to university. Expected to “achieve” something. But, really, something was wrong from the start. I write this, because, I don’t know, maybe there are other people in my situation out there. But, I don’t know, I […]
Finally, oblivious parents have recognized my bulimic ways and decided to get me help. I’m going to a doctor tomorrow and I’m actually eating full meals. I feel…. pretty good. I thought all hell was going to break loose if they found out, but they were more understanding than I thought they would be. My brother knows, and he choose to just ignore me instead of supporting, but he can go fuck himself for all I care.
My bulimia was the cause of all my strife. I’ve felt happier in the past two days than I have in a long time. Though it will take me […]
Please log in to report posts