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this is probably petty

by corvidaecorpse

My partner is aware that I cut and drink poppy milk and take other ppl’s meds and eat “bad” things (rancid meat, small objects, live bugs, little chunks of my thighs, etc). And when they find out they always shrug it off and either act like it’s normal or pointedly ignore it. They let me take care of them and fuss over their health and they’ll grumble about it sure but they never point out the blatant hypocrisy. They talk about my eating habits to their internet friends like it’s a funny party trick and sometimes I’m fine with that because at least they’re not stopping me but sometimes it makes me feel like I’m some living shock site for them.

And then I get home from work and I’m doing the chores and I hear them freaking out over their friend smoking cigarettes. Trying to convince their friend to try to quit, saying it’s unhealthy, all “I care about your health because I care about you” and shit.

And it shouldn’t bother me because I don’t want them to stop me I don’t want them to waste time worrying about me. But they say “I love you” when I tell them goodnight and I can’t help but to think of this.

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2 comments

darkwillow 3/26/2021 - 6:16 am

It’s easier for people to talk about smoking than it is cutting ect. Smoking is well established in our society. Cutting is kind of weird and pushed to the side. Just meaning that smoking can be a casual conversation but cutting isnt.

I would think that a partner would be more open to talking about it with you. Have they cut before? Maybe they dont understand.

But I wouldn’t let it bother you too much. If you were smoking, I’m sure they’d be openly worried and concerned for you as well.

corvidaecorpse 3/26/2021 - 7:53 pm

they s/h by picking at their skin and picking out hairs, although they stop if i give them a stim toy to keep their hands busy so i think it’s for different reasons. they used to use their nails to scratch their arms when we were younger but they’ve pretty much stopped doing that one.
i don’t want to try to talk to them about it unless they bring it up, bc it seems impolite and pretty attention seeking. plus they get like super emotional and i don’t want to set them off and cause a whole Deal. plus i go nonverbal pretty fast when i’m upset and they still don’t know much sign. i don’t even know what i’d say to them.

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