Drowning…

I’m falling apart, and I don’t know who to turn to or where to go. I feel like I’m drowning.
Trying to stay afloat, but no matter how much I try I just sink deeper and deeper.
Struggling to hold my breath any longer, struggling to catch air.
I’m failing everyone I love and care about, and they all think they’re doing something wrong, when It’s really just me.. Sinking deeper and deeper into the ocean of blackness.
I can’t fix myself and nobody else can fix me, I’m downing. And I don’t know how to breathe anymore. I want help, but I won’t ask for it, because I genuinely don’t know how anyone can help me,
I already know that I’m hurting everyone around me when I’m falling apart like this, they all think they’re failing. The most important person in my life thinks I don’t love him anymore, and that maybe I never even did. But nothing he thinks is true… I’m just falling apart and don’t know how to express emotions anymore… I don’t know how to feel anything but the pain I feel inside, I don’t want to be this way anymore, but I’ve just been drowning for so long and haven’t acknowledged it, that now its all just coming to bite me in the ass…
When I’m hurt, I shut down, I turn into a total *****, I shut off all my emotions, and I act differently towards everything and everyone… and I fucking hate it. I hate being this way.