”Hanging on a thread…”

Suicide postponed

Everyday that i suffer through my depression, i feel like im getting closer to committing suicide. It feels like it’s inevitable. I can remember being depressed at 12 years old. That was the first time i’ve thought about committing suicide and now 25 (about to turn 26 this year) the feelings of depression are becoming more and more severe.

I have not slept well for the past 3 months or so…im not eating well because i can’t bother to cook because of my depression, poor personal hygiene, not cleaning my room and living in the moment with no future perspective whatsoever.

I see no future for myself in which i can ever be happy. My childhood trauma’s are weighing heavy on me till this day (think of mental and physical abuse), debts, low education, joblessness (I’ve only had 1 real job in my life, i usually get rejected).

I gave up on my social and love life, i can’t pursue any of it with my mental state. I gave up on most of my hopes and dreams of pursuing a music career or academic career.

I can feel myself slowly dying inside, like a terminal disease counting down the days until i actually do die.