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The Coin Has Spoken

by VM35676

The last few weeks I’ve kept postponing my suicide day by day, morning by morning, evening by evening; I don’t know why I’m afraid of death so, lately; I’ve destroyed my life on purpose on every possible level to get the courage to do it. Hasn’t worked out great so far. Anyway I tossed a coin today 5 times, heads I’ll do it now, tails tomorrow; 4 out of 5 times it was tails, so tomorrow it is. I’m glad in a way because it gives me the opportunity to say thank you to everyone here, the brave that left us already and all so many others that I’ve met during the course of my life. For the first time in a while I feel joy, it’s like I’m going on a road trip tomorrow that will be positive for me. I haven’t been religious in a long while, but the words in a comment left on a suicide note “fly high angel” brought tears to my eyes and clarity to my soul. I wish you all the best, have one big hug from me.

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untalentedandugly 6/23/2021 - 8:43 pm

Hey VM, not here to tell you to do otherwise. I just hope you find happiness in your choice, whatever it is.

Unwilling Puppet 6/23/2021 - 9:02 pm

Coins don’t speak, we do. It is the moment when the coin hangs momentarily at it’s crest that we decide. It is not until then that we know. When you flip a coin, you don’t abide by its fall, you flip it again until it matches what you have chosen. Perhaps you should think why it is that you want to shift the burden of this decision off of yourself and onto an object that cannot choose. The coin is merely a scapegoat that we slough our burden of choice unto. If the burden is that heavy, perhaps the right choice is to not choose. Perhaps the right choice is to wait until the other side of that coin holds the same allure within your heart. Your pain has weighted the coin against life. It can’t be fair until the coin is equally balanced towards future. Nobody wants to die, we just want the pain to end. The thing nobody wants to believe is that pain is not a burden we must bear alone. Children’s games can exemplify this: light as a feather, stiff as a board. A burden may break the back of one, but becomes ever lighter as well place our trust with others. As they share our weight, we share theirs, and it becomes ever easier.

JackN182 6/24/2021 - 10:59 am

Don’t become two-face and rely on a coin for your decision making

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