I am 28 years old and I live in Los Angeles. I have PTSD that causes me to have a breathing problem. I have been through so much despair that I unwillingly hold my breathe when ever I am around people. Every one and I mean EVERYONE talks about like I am stupid ,they gossip right infront of me and they don’t even whisper.
They are basically Brittney Spearing me. My breathing problem is not being able to fully breathe in or fully breathing out. I work as a courier in DTLA and I am always being himulated . My breathing problem has lead me to lose every job I have always had, it has even made me go homeless from the age of 21-25 years old.
Long story short, these people call me “El”. They whisper that I am important and yet they never treat me like it. I am indeed a loser and when I was 13 I began planning my suicide, I was going to drink as much and fuck as much before 18 years old. I am now 28 and no longer wish suicide. I desire euthanasia.
I am not as depressed as I was how ever just like everyone else I am forced to work everyday to pay rent. I have to go out into society smelling like cancer ,always putting up with .”he smells like cancer” ,”he cant breathe properly” “hes retarded ” “he is a loser ” .. etc
Chances are if you live near DTLA ,you know who I am.
Death is my only salvation.
Every year I get worse.
I don’t even breathe in anymore.
I am literally burning in the inside because of not enough oxygen.
I am just here to ask one thing .
Will you and should you join me? If you wonder how , ********.
Have a blessed death.
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Have you looked at getting out of LA? There are many more varied locations that might be less painful.
People will treat you as you tolerate. You can tell people to treat you better, or you cut them out of your life. I think that you are focused on the negatives of your life, because feeling powerless is easier than feeling confused. That’s awful familiar to me. It’s hard work to consider yourself worth a damn, and even succeeding there only opens the door to more questions, more confusion.