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Looks like the wish came true

by Candywolfman

When I was 5 years old my entire 4th grade class yelled out
“We hope you die”
“You are going to die alone”
“Fine, I will do it. Happy!”
“Yeah don’t show up tomorrow!”

Its been 17 years since I was born, my orginal personality or me died that very night. Can you imagine a 5yr old having to decide that action and actually follow through with it… The trama was so great that the only memory I have is the knife falling but never reaching and waking up 3 months later with no one aware of my actions that night. I went into autopilot and have zero idea what happened for 3 months.

Honestly could be a defensive mechanism to ensure survival of the body since I am disconnected from everything and struggle to comprehend emotions. My whole life has been pretending to be someone I never was because he died that night and I took his place. The grandmother even said to me when I finally had a grasp of my surroundings, “Who are you?” She knew and I acted like I had no clue.

…Well I have always sacrifice myself for others without questions since the family expected it from me.
Tonight I finish what should have happen 17 years ago, I finally get to rest after pretending and acting for 17 long years. I have lived my life granting wishes and being people’s guardian angle, best friend, great grandson, son, lover, teacher, student and most of all unconditional help to achieve their dream.

You know the funny thing…the grandmother called me a demon spawn when I told her everything and tried to fix me and started treating me like a tool by justifying it as love. I dont know what emotions are but if this is what love is, being treated like trash that wxist only to be used and thrown away then I am glad I was born so that sweet 5 yr old wouldn’t crumble under her.

For the 1st time in my life I can actually smile and feel…happiness, funny how my emptiness was others happiness but my happiness would be sadness. Time to grant the last wish.


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elleInWi 7/19/2021 - 11:01 pm

I forget how young alot of you are. And being a teen in this day n age has gotta be rough. Im sorry youre going thru this. Theres so many more yrs to go.

FarahLajeenNourAlDeen 7/20/2021 - 10:10 am

Please tell me You don’t really, truly,
that anyyy
or even all
of what You said
is actually worth your life’s value
: (

Mate your Life is Worth So Much More than anyyything that anyone else said or did when You were younger all the way up to this moment

Your existence is Much Bigger than that
No Such *Wish* Should Ever Be Fulfilled or Made
No Matter Who It Is that made it… even if it’s ‘You’
: (

Please tell me You’re still here
: (
for something So ‘Final’,
please give yourself some time… a chance to discuss with others…
let’s talk about this

FarahLajeenNourAlDeen 7/20/2021 - 10:14 am

please *at least* give…
i want to say ‘please don’t even think about it or about going through with it’
but i know that’s like asking someone in a lot of physical pain to just lay still & not do anything

so please *at least* give yourself some time… & let’s talk

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