I will succeed with suicide this year.

I have been thinking of suicide since I was 14 I am 64 now. I have tried suicide several times. And have never been successful. Obviously. The last time was 2 years ago. I was placed in a MH inpatient facility. My thinking is clear yet confused. If I can be both. I think/feel like it’s time for me to succeed in my suicide attempt. I believe I’m going to use a sxxxxx bxx with nxxxxxxx. I hope that I succeed this time. I can’t understand how I feel. I am not feeling depressed, like I have in the past. Nor do I feel despondent, nor helpless. In writing this I have discovered that I am depressed and can’t live anymore. The voices are loud and tell me to end my life. The things I see I know are not real but I can’t take them being there staring at me. I hate that my voices and the people I see are together in judging me and making me feel this need to end it. I know that suicide is my path and I will follow it. I am going to put my affairs in order. Say good bye in a very casual way so they won’t know nor stop me. I have been faking being ok for 2 years. Enough is enough.