Again I am taking my medication and again I am still struggling but am back to not talking. Externally I seem fine but internally my problems are all still present.
My psychiatrist asked if I could handle it, yeah I was going to say no and get sent to psych, PASS!
Idk, maybe I can use this to silently go away. I hate talking about my problems anyway.
Reconnecting with some friends and i just feel more alone…
I’m not sure my ex best friend and i will ever click like we use to.
Her bf/my ‘bf’s friend is my ex so i feel i have to be careful
And i just feel pushed away by my ‘bf’
This was a bad idea…….
I feel like just letting the med keep me quiet until my demise.
Some rispidone would be nice as it makes me more suicidal but meh i guess.
Every time i think about saying anything I want to take more medication.
I just want to shut up and die already…..
It’s at this point that I feel I have to seriously decide between suicide and recovery. To let them help me or to let them all go. I just dont feel like I can do it. “As long as you try thats ok, we expect you to fall down, thats what we’re here for” (im sure theyd say). But when i fall down i dont want to be picked up….. I want to let go. I cant ensure being picked back up. I cant do this.
Whats even the point of fixing it. Im nothing like any of you. You guys like video games and anime. I like baking, fishing, crafts, woodwork, basically everything EXCEPT video games and anime…