Losing all my friends, my family wants to give up on me. I been feeling psychotic all this time. Nobody loves you while you’re here but they will miss you when you’re gone. Atleast pretend they will. The older you get, the worse it is. You know that stupid show “Everyone hates Chris” well my theme title would be “Everyone hates Mike” just for any sympathy, you ever been told since you’re suicidial, “why dont you do it” Also a reminder, just human nature “people will leave you once the convience stops. Like money, good friendship or the best one yet, the guy who is only youe friend to try to f your girl. Or better yet, your “bestfriend” that sneaks through the texts trying to F your girl. Society is toxic asf. Especially my family. My family used each other against one another. Actually used tf out of my grandparents. It breaks my heart hearing it, because sh!t was done for eveeyone else but me. Nobody loved me. I’m 23-24 crying how my family treated me like sh!t. It was because of who my parents were. It kills my heart, my mind, my soul. Im so lost, in a tribulation. Just being a depressed person is aleady a life full of misery and i dont take anti depressants. Just for soul fact. I hate being drug dependant. My own brother hates me. Ill just forever be alone. I know i deserve to die. I know I should. End this suffering. I been suffering only the last 11 years with depression. God knows i want out. My life will end with me going to prison or dieing on the streets. My life now only revolves around hood sh!t. Btw, there is nothing good about the hood. Its your normal menaces to society bs. Never been shot or stabbed. But i have fought before. Bring me the 200lb gorillas. Im a gorilla my damn self. Streets are 10x worse for women and i pray for any girl that suffers being on the streets or victim to sexual abuse. The world gets sh!tter by the day. Just like the big news for the manhunt of that blonde girl. Only a drop in the bucket. It was big news. Just cant think of names. This my be my last post for awhile or forever. Im gonna be homeless again or eventually prison. I did something stupid and might have to pay the ultimate price, all your time and a felony. Now people hate you even more! I love being hated, because i hate everyone else the same. I really wish America dropped nuclear bombs on themself because this country is really is f!cking stupid. Just so ya’ll get it clearly. The illegals only want your free government handouts and $15 or better jobs. Then bring it back to their country. They hate normal americans. Probably because of jealously. I find mexicans just like blacks. Whites dont mix with either kind because its like apples, to oranges, to pears. We are just too damn different. Im not racist, its tribalism. You will always pick your own kind over the other. But when you’re a whiteboy in prison. Better just learn how to be a lone wolf. Nobodys knows it yet, but im a killer. If i show up, in prison. I will stand my ground dying or you will pay for trying me.
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4 comments
I feel you man….I used to be close to a few of my family members, but over time I learned that everyone is always for themselves. They’ll be your friend for a while until they get what they want and then they insult you behind your back.
I had my hardships, depression, anxiety attacks, I suffered a lot. Considered suicide many times and seriously planned it twice, but it is a very difficult thing to do, moreso because I’m felt my life was unfinished and I’m not a quitter. Also because there are a couple of people I still care for and wouldn’t leave them on their own.
If you plan to keep living then I’d suggest to do everything you can to stay out of prison and try to lead a good life. Perhaps your family is against you because you’re involved with criminal types-just speculating.
As for the race issue, I have no problem with it and I agree to an extent people can be tribalistic. Ofc I don’t believe people should harm each other over something stupid as the color of one’s skin-it’s always about character. There are evil people in all races.
We all die at some time-what matters is the quality of life that you’re living. In my case, for now I’m ok. I had some goals I set for myself that I didn’t achieve…but I am past middle-age. So for me as the years tick by there are less reasons I find to stick around.
I noticed when I wake up mid-sleep, I’m closest to my emotions and esp. the feeling of despair/sorrow. So I could never end my life in such a state. I plan to sleep and eat well until the moment I pass away…since I’m in a better, clearer frame of mind and it’ll be less painful emotionally.
But it is starting to become clear that ending my life is the best thing that could happen to me because I’m sick of this unfulfilled existence I’ve had. I’ve been deprived of a lot. As I get older it seems I might never get that ‘good life’ that I wanted for myself.
So I’ve given myself a deadline (pardon the pun)…another 5-10 years. If by around 60 I’m still not where I planned to be then that’ll be it. Hopefully in that time euthanasia will become even more liberalized than it is today here in Canada.
Next year they’ll make it available for the mentally ill, so I’ll just claim I have depression and that should be good enough. At the moment they require a 2 yr wait, moronic rules, but if it remains the same I’ll make the request far sooner and they can have my wish on file for when I am truly ready.
Sometimes we place far too much importance on ourselves and our life. But if you can’t enjoy it then this life is shit and not worth having or living, so throw it away like yesterday’s trash. While no one chose it at least we have the right and ability to be rid of it.
I should add, it’s a good idea to organize your thoughts into paragraphs, it makes it much easier to read and reply to.
Our civilisation was created at a time when our ancestors had zero, ZERO imagination and so they ended up just pushing around the rules of cruel survival. This is why nobody cares, why everyone is in it for themselves, because we, in fact, made utterly no progress and never actually built a civilisation, we rebranded survival. Hence the only god over humanity is money, for it represents that which one can have in survival/dominance/security.
The streets and prison is perhaps where this is so clearly demonstrated, but extend the observation and it applies to every corner of our planet eating economy. Our economy, like an indifferent predator is only an extension of natures cuttthoat cruelty expressed through us.
Life on this planet is so pathetic it must eat itself to survine, humanity, subject to this law does exactly the same. We were (de)evolved to be cruel and empty. We can only hope that compassion will win out in th end and we’ll burn this world to the ground to make something better, in a hopeful future I’ll hold thumbs for the generation that grows an imagination, and actually starts a real civilisation.
hey wanna talk? text me on iwanttodie.04@proton.me