I’m feeling sad lately. And I don’t know why. I guess it’s because I feel like I wasting time. My life is boring even with so much craziness I go through with people and my family but even so I still feel unmotivated. I’m sad October is almost over. It’s my favorite month. And I feel like I didn’t have fun in it. I didn’t watch enough horror movies, I didn’t eat enough pumpkin stuff, I didn’t watch enough football. I feel like I haven’t done enough. I don’t know how to make myself happy. Nothing makes me happy I feel empty.
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Wow, I feel very similarly to you! Like, not only has this year and a half passed sooo quickly. Last course I procrastinated just sooo much to write my Thesis. I’d read articles on the internet, and whatever book I wished, and felt just so lethargic.
I’m a bit of a perfectionist and paranoid, so I had read the book, summarising it in 2 sentences per page. Anyhow, it took and immense and massive effort to write it, I put it together in 2 days. I Thank God I graduated, He gave me soo much strength. I had asked for it, and my mother sat beside me constantly watching that I be productive.
At the end of the 1st day I couldn’t breathe, but I felt sooo satisfied it felt awesome!! I’ve been trying to be at this top level of productivity ever since, but have suceeded only for a few days throughout the whole Summer. I also got distracted doing non-essential tasks, like helping around the farm work instead of getting the drivers’ license.
I’ll write here below what sentences I wrote, that transmit that feeling, that state of very-top-of-productivity at which I want to be:
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“Remember the feeling you felt, “I’m too busy!” I have to use the hardest task as the standard, and keep myself always as busy as doing it.
I notice my weakness/lackluster when I sit and try to do it. So I toughen myself, because my weakness has been exposed.
If I get distracted I ask the Lord our God to please deliver me from temptation. And He does. And I remember that I completely gave myself in His Hands, and follow Him.
You suffer only one moment at a time, so keep persevering and enduring, a little more and a little more, forever. (remember Richard Wurmbrand’s book on preparing for persecution)
Don’t be distracted with the past, or the future outside the plan, but rather focus on the present.
When a distraction presents itself (a game, or porn), say: I do not want the downward spiral.
Make a vow to not ever lose hope in God’s Infinite Love and Mercy.”