I’ve completely broken down this time. It’s like no matter how hard I try, it ends in failure and more agony. I thought this damn time, I could finally recover my health…hah, what a joke! At the same time, what did I expect? I feel dead inside, don’t give a shit about my future, not to mention my health is like this because of being self destructive from wanting to die.
I have no one except for my family, the very one that plays a big part in why I struggled so hard to not hate myself. I feel a little bad about writing this, in the chance they see this, but they have hurt me so much. Dealing with hate from the rest of the world is bad enough, but having what’s supposed to be the people who should love and care about you, instead tearing you down….it’s too much.
My brain is a total wreck now. I’ve suffered so much, and my days basically involve either feeling apathetic, exhausted, or feeling too much and breaking down in tears. I’ve got self harm scars all over my legs and arms, not to the mention the damage from alcohol and drug use in the past. I’m going to be in pain for the rest of my life, which hopefully won’t be much longer.
No one will ever want me, I’ve realized that. Besides being unattractive, I have so much baggage, and I’m a social imbecile. Not to mention I have no financial stability, no future, stuck with my family and disabled…so yeah, I’m going to be alone.
I want to say I’m pissed off and heartbroken, missing out on having my own life and happiness and so on, but now…I’m just empty and cold. Anyway I guess this is goodbye. Sorry to my family, but I can’t take the pain anymore.