bpd complicates everything and ruins everything enjoyable

i should have been doing something enjoyable for the past 2hrs with my SO….instead ive been getting high and drunk and havent said a word….
i ruin everything….

i think “i dont feel so good” means its time to put it down…. my head, my chest..i dont feel good. my SO went to bed, i wonder if ill message him tomorrow or if ill stay in this shell.. i cant tell him about my drinking, he worries enough. and i just make it worse….