ceiling

laying here staring at the same ceiling for years now.
each time ending up in the same place emotionally.
lost and confused of where my life is going or where I want to go.
I can still feel it all of it. all the unwanted touches, traumatic experience, haunting words play in my head like a fever dream.
swiftly I start to forget the forgetfulness stemming from not having the courage of an appetite.
I would just like all of them people that hurt me in a room just to scream out and attack the anger I feel that I cannot express. The anger of allowing it to affect me so much but how could it not?
I hate them, I hate them, I HATE THEM , I HATE ME