I’m am not doing good, I am not doing fucking good. I hate that I choose to go at it alone. How do I ask for help?
I’m already constantly feeling like shit but now i’m going broke and possibly a month or two away from losing my job. I don’t know what i’ll do. I hate that this is happening and I won’t say anything. I don’t even know if I can hide it anymore, my dad asked me how was work and he had this look on his face like he suspected it was not a good day. All I could get out while I looked down at my food was “It was good, we got out on time.” What the fuck was that? It was not good it was terrible, my manager sat me down and talked to me about how I have one month to improve or else i’ll be reviewed for termination. That fact on top of the lingering stress that I can’t pay my fucking debt or afford to have fun is killing me. Maybe there are ways to get out of the situation I will be in very soon but the easiest and most convenient solution sounds very enticing right about now.
I’ve wasted this life. I’ve done nothing and I am nothing. The people around me are moving on, got their careers set, starting families, and building a future. Building a future, that must be so fucking nice. The only future I have always imagined for me is dying alone. I’m almost there.