look, I’m a cynical hateful shell of a person who happens to be having a very difficult to ignore good week.
so if you are assuming that down the line I’ll return to my anti life anti organizations anti capitalist apathy, know that I am too.
I still hate the cheery; “Oh, nice things happen, therefor they will continue” which is usually a terrible lie.
Which is the amount of cautious framing I have to do because if I say things are going better without that, my distrustful wounded brain will rebel, because we’ve trusted people before, and that didn’t work out.
I’m working as an electrician, which I still think is an odd turn for a former mental health professional with a four year degree. All the same, it looks like it’s going to be a good fit. I like the kind of problem solving it drives me to do, and the people I work with. Most of all I love the freedom, when I’m doing the job right I’m totally left alone, and the more I advance in this career, the more I’ll be left to work alone, which is my candy.
Which isn’t to say it is without setbacks. The heat where I am is just awful. As in, can’t get my house to sleeping temperature even with a two year old top of the line air conditioner….. we got a window unit in the bedroom now, so tonight might be better. Even so, I have some problems of chafing, and I feel like I’m always thirsty. Oh, and the adjusting to a new sleep schedule is still very much a work in progress.
One day left in the week though, an assured five day work week has been a life long goal, and blue collar work is the only way I’ve ever gotten it.
Most of all though, I should have done this whole thing sooner, like right out of high school. I appreciate it more now, but man could I have avoided so much pain and debt if I had never done a damn thing in mental health….. I gained skills, but most of them are tolerating discomfort.
Oh, also on the middle rail; I’m doing better at not shaking like a leaf/having dexterity issues. It’s something that has been a problem for awhile, and it looks like this job might help fix it. I’m also stepping back my meds, because it’s that or heat stroke. One night down went just right; minimal meds, woke up when I wanted to, felt okay.
3 comments
Wow, Heartlessviking, I’m so glad you’re already making progress on your job and feel glad to be working!
It’s a strange coincidence. For 3 months I had been doing a Practicum to become a teacher, I failed; maybe it’s all the years of isolation, poor social skills, it was a nightmare for me. Maybe I’m not made for it. Anyhow, just today, yes, just today I was sitting on a bench, didn’t want to go home (cuz then I’d have to start writing stuff); and I sat thinking what should I do.
Through my mind passed, somehow just teaching, without the MA degree, the pay would be lower, but I want money, I must to fill my pockets with it. I also thought about being a plumber (I thought about being electrician too, but the latter seemed more dangerous). I’m not sure, I guess I’ll just teach somewhere; of course for the money and not because I like it.
I don’t know, the Practicum just eliminated every form of dream or liking I had regarding being a teacher, it’ll recover if I work on creating good lessons (as it’s a self-reinforcing cycle of students liking the lesson and thus the teacher too).
I’m really glad you’re managing better the anxiety problem! And I like that you can use problem-solving manual labour in your work; I myself get tired of academic stuff, for the simple reason that it requires one to have an interest/motivation, whereas I have lost all my interest..
The Practicum, it was just about survival, I wanted it to end, I cried so much after the lessons, it was so hard, and the feedback from my supervisors totally eviscerated me too. Just like Soda, all that I needed this year is a rest…
But in my mind, it’s the End Times, and I have to somehow secure farmland & farming skills, long shelf life food, and the like.
Plumber is a good option too, as long as you don’t mind getting dirty/small dark spaces (though almost any trade will have some of that.) I was going for plumber, prepping for plumber, then the opening for electrician came up and I went for it. Another thing I’ve thought about is HVAC, but since that involves so much electrical work I might not even need to change course.
It’s physically tiring, five days straight of coming home and feeling like I had run a marathon. However, my work is appreciated, something I don’t think I got out of my prior career. For me it was just the end, I was ready to settle in and retire, albeit to a very small amount of money… I left when I realized I envied my homeless clients. Still, I’d rather be homeless than go back to being treated that way.
Oh! Also any trade will involve some mentoring/teaching, as the main job of journeymen is supervising apprentices. In my case it’s 3-5 years of hard work, and after that probably another 5-10 either building a business or saving to move to a better market.
There’s something pure about it, not working for others approval, more to become a better human being. In my case at least helping others and being admired was a crutch, a sign of weakness every employer used as a premise to push me past my limits.
I was up on a lift today, fixing one of my mistakes, and I had a little panic attack, like “what if they don’t ask me to come back next week?” and I dealt with it in the moment with “if it ended at this, it would still be a pretty interesting and productive week.” Which says to me that the intrinsic value of the work for me is really high.
Anyway, on the weekend now, getting ready to play DnD with the fam, BTW, if you know anyone who knows someone already in a trade, there’s a relative shortage of apprentices right now, which was the route I took into the work.
Yeah, when we feel like shit we seek out negativity around us. Me, it’s like “might as well stand in traffic “