i will not forgive him out of your convince. you’re my mother and you’ve been with me every step of my life, and i’ve told you the things that man has done to me. you simply don’t care, you just want us to be a “happy family” again. why do i have to be silenced? why do you leave me alone with this horrible excuse of a human being? why do you defend him?
when i told you i wanted to die, you told me you wouldn’t care if i killed myself. now you just deny saying that in the first place whenever i bring it up. i heard you say it. my old therapist heard you say it.
i cant bring myself to hate you, but i do wish that for once that you would understand. you’ve been much more kinder to me now, but i hate it whenever you say “i wish you would just forgive your brother”.
i relasped back into self-harm today, i dont know how long i havent done it, but i managed to sharpen my exact-o blade with a nail file.
1 comment
Harming your self diverts the pain, but it doesn’t help to heal.
Parents are only people and some have severe faults. It’s highly unlikely that you will ever get what you want or need from your parents. It’s best to accept that and lessen your own heartache and disappointment. You may find freedom in just accepting the shortcomings and then choose to deal with it or maybe end the relationship. Some parents are selfish, some evil, some loving. Very few will change their way and acknowledge the hurt they have caused whether physical, emotional etc. Forgiveness thats something else. I could forgive my father because it seemed he had his own ‘demons’ to fight, I have not been able to forgive my mother because she was a silent witness to what she knew was wrong, she did nothing to protect me.