Like the title says. I work as a dishwasher and the past month, I haven’t been able to get to work on time and I’ve called in so many days. I don’t know how much longer I’ll have my job or get to keep my apartment and I’d rather not move in with family because I don’t even like not being able to go to the bathroom when I need to most or being woken up to eat at whatever times they decide to wake me up at. It’s a massive inconvenience, not counting the constant arguing with each other.
My family will treat me or each other bad on purpose then later be like, “it’s over and done with. Get over it” as if that makes it ok to repeatedly do when they know better and I know I’ve made mistakes but I’m not disrespectful to anyone purposely like that so now it’s never my fault as far as I know.
I’m almost finished buying the stuff to kill myself (it’s inexpensive at least) and I’m glad to have the option in case I lose my job. I’m not letting anyone guilt trip me into thinking that I’ll go to Hell for ending my suffering or into feeling bad for others being hurt by me being gone. I don’t want anyone to feel bad about me being gone, but if they do, I’m not going to feel bad about it
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3 comments
Every 2nd day I wish I was dead, just the thought of dying and ending up somewhere worse than where I am now stops me. That’s if you believe in reincarnation, even science states that energy doesn’t disappear but transfers.
I’ve been homeless on and off for about 11 yrs but I still dream about overcoming my emotions. I’ve been homeless and worked countless jobs in offices and factories. I still have a goal of owning a piece of property.
My anger is poison. Forgiveness is donation so I should learn to be more charitable.
I can relate to you about sleep depravity hearing traffic all hours when trying to rest. Not knowing if a vehicle is going to crash into me during my sleep.
You can do this, and even if you don’t want to do this as long as you’re happy with your decision that’s all that matters.
I have family like that. It sucks. I don’t know how to get away from it either, so I don’t really have any answers for you. But I’m in a very similar situation. I feel for you. I hope we make it through. The world is a better place with you in it.
This really hits home for me as well. It always frustrates me when people (let alone family) treat each other like that and instead of doing the mature thing and apologize they brush it off as your problem. I’ve had multiple therapists tell me that it’s okay and that people make mistakes. While that’s true I think it’s unhealthy to just keep saying those actions are okay, so long as these people have that excuse to fall back on they will never learn. That’s an even bigger mistake to me. But I guess that’s one of the toughest parts, we can’t change these people even when you explain exactly how they make you feel…