It’s been a while since I have come on here. And yes, I’m looking for advice.
I have a doctor’s appointment tomorrow for medication, although I’m wondering, will everything go back to square one, or will the truth come out? According to my psychologist, I have been doing fine for the past year, although did she really ever know me? I never told her how I really felt; I’m a coward, I already know, but what can one do when everyone around them is untrustworthy? Should I have told her how I felt? Should I have told her my plans for July? Should I have told her anything to make this situation less confusing? I have tried many times to bring up how I felt about this meaningless life, yet I just couldn’t bring myself to do that. She’s close to my family so what if she tells them? This brings me back to the doctors appointment, she is going to tell her I’m fine and don’t need any medication, but I really don’t know if I’m happy about this or sad. I went to the doctor for my last cry for help, I’ll put it. Now the doctor also thinks I’m fine, although I’m really not. Should I tell the doctor I’m not fine or just go with it. But I’m really scared, I don’t know why, I just don’t know how I can bring myself to tell the truth, then everyone will know. What if my psychologist really hates me for not telling her and wasting a year?
It’s either everything gets more confusing or I just suck it up until July.
3 comments
i don’t have any advice but just wanted to say this scenario is exactly what happened to me. Some therapists like to convince themselves that you’re all better even though it’s obvious that nothing has changed. At first i thought my therapist was just trying to be encouraging and optimistitc with “you’ve made so much progress” but after a year i’m still very actively suicidal.
It’s bizarre how the psychological professionals decide who’s sick and who’s healthy. i hope the new doctor can diagnose you immediately and give you the meds or help you need. It should be obvious to them even through fake smiles, it’s their job. Should you come right out and say you’re in bad shape? again i really don’t know, its hard to trust anyone on 1st meeting. but really they ought to see the signs
If you’re going to someone for help, but you aren’t honest about the things you need help with (or maybe its that you dont even WANT the help), then you’re essentially paying someone to waste your own time. I recommend coming clean and being honest. They are there for your benefit. If youre worried about your family finding out, then maybe communicating that would be a good a idea. Perhaps you can strike a deal about confidentiality. If other people aren’t seeing the signs, but you are seeing the signs yourself, and if that’s an issue, then the best thing to do is to make them aware of the issue. Don’t wait for others to notice you need help, because in the meantime your problems arent being addressed. Instead, I encourage you to advocate for yourself and get the help you need.
Mental health providers are required to keep patient details to themselves UNLESS the patient reveals that they are an imminent threat to themselves or others. Even if you do, there are specific people they are allowed to tell about it, and unless you’ve signed a release stating otherwise, your family isn’t on the list.
I’d focus on present symptoms, if you want to try and work it out with that provider. Nevermind what has been done in the past, if you are struggling with suicidal thoughts then adjustments need to be made. If that is a discussion you don’t feel safe having with this doctor, it’s time to find a new one.
One thing I’ve noticed with the providers I’ve worked with; specifying the severity is very important regarding suicidal thoughts. How often and how long you think on these things will matter as to whether they change your medication or recommend emergency treatment. As long as you can sign a safety plan, they should let you go.