I did everything right yet I still got screwed over. I did as i was told all throughout my life. Go to school make good grades. I did and was in the top five at my high-school and graduated with small scholarships to college. I graduated and got my associates degree. Had a job at a library then at a laboratory . Well now im 25 no job, still living with my abusive mom. No job, no boyfriend, no house of my own no loving family to help me. Eveeyones all like oh you need to do better oh your So Lazy oh you need to woman up and all this other horseshit. I did EVERYTHING right. I missed out on parties on fun on relationships because i was on the grind and thinking about getting a good job and a stupid piece of goddamn paper for four years. Now i got it and it was all A LIE. All i have now is debt and NOTHING. I tried my Best! I did everything society expected of me and now i have nothing no job no money no lover. Its not FAIR. Why doesnt nobody goddamn
HELP me instead of yelling at me thats its all my fault and im lazy when i didnt sleep for days because i was busy at school and at work.
HELP me instead of yelling at me thats its all my fault and im lazy when i didnt sleep for days because i was busy at school and at work.
9 comments
That’s rough. I always found being unemployed kind of paralysing – the thought of constantly putting yourself at the mercy of others just for the slim chance of a crappy minimum-wage job terrified me.
It sounds like getting some distance from your abusive mother might be your main priority. Finding the money to move out could be hard, but there are some ways to make a bit of money online freelancing that don’t have the same barriers to entry as a normal job. Don’t think about it as being lazy or doing better or any of that shame inducing stuff, but simply what you need to get a better life for yourself.
I’m sure there are people out there who will want to be with you & take care of you, if you can make it through all this.
wow This really resonates with me. Life is hard enough, but what makes it unbearable is when you do all the ‘right’ things and still end up at rock bottom.
I’m not a psychologist but I’m guessing this is the sort of situation that really scrambles your brain. It’s like being smacked with a yardstick for doing what you’re supposed to be doing. The work/reward formula is twisted into work/punishment. Where do we go from there?
I don’t have any answers. There’s always the Seinfeld ‘do the opposite of everything you’ve been doing’ which makes for good comedy but somehow I doubt it works in the real world.
well, there’s always more school. That’s the way I’m going, finished my bachelors in 2020, starting my masters in fall this year. Success at school really doesn’t count for much outside of academia. Also, the modern job market sucks so hard. There’s no merit based employment, let alone merit based pay.
the thing to remember here is that the flaw isn’t with you. You followed the appropriate steps, per the social contract that should produce quality results. That it doesn’t is the job market reneging on that contract.
I come back to the family friendly edit of Never Get Ahead by Bobby Conn;
“Monday morning 9 AM, boy you’re looking cute. All dressed up like a little man, in your business suit.
Go to town and stand in line, get down on your knees, always begging that old man to end your misery,
but you’re never gonna get ahead, no, sayin’ yes to the man
you’re never gonna get ahead, no no, sayin’ yes to the man”
I am sorry to hear about your mother, but respectfully…we all do the same thing and most of us get screwed. This system isn’t merit-based, just like the person above you said. You can’t go back and fix this now. It is fact: You got screwed.
If I were you, I would stop asking “why” questions (e.g., “why did this happen to me?”) and start asking “what” and “how”questions (e.g., “how can I make my life a little bit better by the end of today?”) Do that every day and you will improve things.
As for your mother, you cannot control what she does, but you CAN control how you respond. The whole shaming you and calling you a failure is definitely not going to help you, but that’s her choice. You don’t have to react—do some research on detachment.
So, be angry. It’s okay to be angry. But then ask yourself: “How can I make my life a little bit better by the end of today?”
Good luck.
I don’t want to be stalked and harassed on the internet by people who i don’t know or by anyone I’m not in love with.
internet work home etc
Yes I felt the same way OP. I busted my azz, taking one of the hardest programs in my country, hoping that in the end I’d be rewarded….but my field is crap and they don’t care if you got that piece of paper. If you don’t pass their stupid little tests, you’re out the door.
But it also depends on the career path. For instance at least here in Canada, if you get your medical degree, nursing, doctor, etc…you have a meal ticket for life (as one of my profs used to say). So ya there are some careers that definitely reward you if you get that paper.
That mostly goes for some other fields too like technician, trades, mechanics and so forth. Those jobs are pretty much always in demand.
Because I didn’t get a job in my field, I had to take something else at a lower level. It only pays an average income but it’s steady (and white collar work). Though I would’ve been earning over 6 figures by now if I was in my field.
What I’d suggest is to find work that is easier to get than your field so that at least you can support yourself and people won’t pick on you and then long term plan to get back in your field.
My mistake was that I was all over the place, I tried my luck in business, had some success but I was better off to keep hammering away at my chosen career, I would’ve definitely gotten in eventually and I’d be fine…not rich but enough to afford a comfortable life. I’m still trying to sort myself out now but I’m ‘over the hill.’
You sound like you’re young so you still have time to straighten things out. Also consider a totally different career path, one that pays well like computers…I have a relative who wasn’t too bright, but we encouraged him to take computers…with a lot of help and tutors, he succeeded and is making a very good income now.
Your mother is probably upset about where you are now. But once you get a decent job, you’ll find your relationship with her will likely improve a lot. Don’t forget she’s helped you throughout your life, you could’ve ended up homeless like some kids do.
Maybe you might need to help her out in her old age…if nobody is there for her. Assuming she’s not a totally evil person, I think she ultimately means well for you.
As for being single, join the club. Sometimes we do it to ourselves by being too picky or too shy and not jumping on the right opportunities when you get them.
However if you are still young, then you’ll still have many chances and it’s way easier for a girl to get a man than vice versa imo. But when you have a decent career/income, the dating opportunities will come too…stay healthy and in shape as well to improve your odds.
One other important point, maybe of us have already been there, being unemployed and for a long time, it can mess you up in the head and make you feel worthless.
Don’t let that get you down, other people have been out of work for a couple of years or more, but eventually find a job.
If opportunities are limited in your city, consider moving to other cities or even countries….I know of engineers who’ve made a ton of money working in the mideast for example (though it’s a risk imo-work in safer nations). Just expand your horizons and also approach these things as a professional.
*many, not maybe