Lately I have been thinking about “The Butterfly Effect”, If I made the slightest difference in choice a while back would I be somewhere completely different than I am now? If I chose not to do something as simple as pick up a penny one day would everything around me be different? If I didn’t make a tiny choice at some point in my younger years would I live in the same state? Would I be making straight A’s instead of failing? With a small choice I made, did that cause this sequence of events in my life. Because of a few minor things that may have happened around me that weren’t my fault, cause me to go down this path of depression?
Am I determined to fail or will I maybe find success one day? I used to have all these careers I wanted to do in the future but now I am hardly interested in anything anymore. I found myself laying in bed all day staring at the ceiling. Is this what my life has come to. Am I destined to be a depressed fuck? Will I ever find happiness? Where can I find that so called “happiness”? When? Where? How? Why? Why do I have these constant feelings? There are so many things weighing on my mind, it hurts.
2 comments
The butterfly effect makes a lotta sense. If you roll a tennis ball down a mountain, any rock, stump or pebble it hits will alter its course. Maybe to the point that it ends up nowhere near the direction it started off. But I also believe we each have a certain momentum that keeps us on a general path regardless of small things that bump us.
It’s kinda like winning the lottery. Everyone thinks it’ll change their lives for the better. But if you look up what happens to lottery winners, you see that they sorta end up where they were already heading.. maybe it just speeds things up. A lot of them end up broke, in prison or dead. Some just sorta continue life as usual, obviously better off but more or less the same.
I’m constantly questioning decisions I made, opportunities I passed up, and similarly disastrous risks I took in life. What Ive realized is that none of that stuff really changed me as a person. I think I ended up where I was always heading more or less. Maybe not the same physical place but the same state of mind.
Isn’t that sorta the subtle message of the butterfly effect movie? Despite going back and changing all the things that led him to where he ended up, something else happens that puts him right back in the mess. Different path, same destination.
Not sure whether some degree of randomness in the universe negates any kind of “destiny”, but either way the future certainly seems impossible to predict in detail. So there’s no way of knowing whether you’ll be one of those who recovers from depression, or has it chronically. All any of us can do is try shit and hope that we’re lucky.