Some thoughts are causing me extreme pain, they won’t go away. I have gained weight, due to medication and I also eat like crazy. It’s gotten out of control, I used to do exercise at home and eat only particular things. I think my bad mentality got me addicted. I have given up a long time ago.
I do maybe know what I am going to study with my 25 years of meaningless existence oh so far. That’s a first for me. But I cannot imagine going out all the time. It’s so stressful for me, because I find myself revolting. I can’t handle any more up to down stares at me.
All my life I have been bullied, taken advantage of, had opportunities taken away, been laughed at, just because of my looks. I cringe, everytime someone takes a picture of me. I’ve edited myself out of photos, scratched my face out/put something over it etc.
I’ve detached myself from my body so much, that I don’t want to work with it anymore. Going shopping is a drag, everything looks weird. It’s hard to motivate myself to do little things to ease me off my pain. My main goal so far was to forget, that I am a person. I only distract myself and it works until I have to face the real world.
I don’t know, why I wasn’t born pretty or at least average. That would’ve been enough…
I know, that it seems silly and there’s other problems but this affected me all my life, in the things I did or didn’t do, to not gain weight or get out of social situations.. It was sad to me, that even when I went on vacation, in nature, this was my thought all the time.
I wish I was dead.
4 comments
do the ends justify the means? Are you feeling good enough to put up with the extreme appetite and weight gain?
my mix has been half that, half I can’t eat at all…. and I have gained weight…. and now I’m weening myself off the whole mess. Funny how vanity works like that… there’s more to it, obviously, mainly energy levels and that being on these medications has forced me to stay in a city I hate…
anyway, comiserating. They say misery loves company, we should start a company, in Missouri
Walt Disney did….. well, he started his life in Chicago actually, moved to Missouri… he actually founded various versions of the Disney company at least four times….. some people think that’s impressive, I think he’s a glutton for punishment.
my jokes aren’t funny, that’s the joke.
Did you watch some sort of Disney documentary? 😀
Today I’m trying to get better at my habits and get more exercise done. It’s already hard..
yeah, a bit of infotainment on Youtube called “Walt Disney was a perpetual failure.” I think it’s supposed to be inspirational…. but Walt Disney had no justification to be treated the way he was, and that doesn’t justify building a company that has done the things Disney has done……
I’m a child of workaholics, and have been trying to escape the cycle for my whole life. Thus, I take a very dim view of the romantic attitude popular culture takes towards working yourself to death. Society needs to stop rewarding that, it’s killing off people decades early and costing billions in lost productivity
Disney itself has such a huge impact on everyone! Watching “only murders in the building” with Selena Gomez, former Disney star right now.
You’re correct. I’m a bit confused why we can’t divide work onto more people and less hours. I have a feeling, once I study my arse off, there’s not going to be any job available for me. (Everytime I check the job listings, they want impossible things) I mean we have hit enough population, that this isn’t necessary at all! That “build the world up” BS is long over, that my parents and my parents parents went through.
I’ll try to get something, that truly makes me happy, otherwise I am not going to survive. I hope you’ll also get out of that cycle someday!