I have a thousand regrets but becoming friendless isn’t one of them. Throughout my late teens and early 20s I gradually burned all my bridges with everyone outside my immediate family. All of my pain in life has come from trying and failing to connect with other people. Everybody tells you how important it is to be social and have friends but what if not everyone is like that. Having to talk to other people is my least favourite thing about being alive. It really is. Who is anyone else to deny that and say I’m wrong.
Maybe it all stems from primitive shit, like humans needing to stick together and survive. Same reason they’re so desperate to mate and procreate. Probably explains a lot of our behaviour. Is it a bad thing to not want to be like that? Is it immoral? If I have no desire to procreate, to bring others joy or to care about their problems. I think there’s nothing wrong with being alone. Truly alone where nobody around you understands you, and you keep everything to yourself. I love solitude. If I could live on the moon with a years worth of oxygen and then die, I would.
I don’t hate anyone. I love a few people, but at a distance. And when I inevitably kill myself my death won’t hurt them as much, they will barely care because I’m already dead to them, I’ve preemptively severed the connection. They will just disapprove of what I did and move on. Although… Idk. It’s hard to tell what the consequences of an action will be. Suicide is never clean, I know that. But things are better this way because I’m dying by my own hand no matter what, I don’t love anyone nearly enough to change that plan.
Maybe it all stems from primitive shit, like humans needing to stick together and survive. Same reason they’re so desperate to mate and procreate. Probably explains a lot of our behaviour. Is it a bad thing to not want to be like that? Is it immoral? If I have no desire to procreate, to bring others joy or to care about their problems. I think there’s nothing wrong with being alone. Truly alone where nobody around you understands you, and you keep everything to yourself. I love solitude. If I could live on the moon with a years worth of oxygen and then die, I would.
I don’t hate anyone. I love a few people, but at a distance. And when I inevitably kill myself my death won’t hurt them as much, they will barely care because I’m already dead to them, I’ve preemptively severed the connection. They will just disapprove of what I did and move on. Although… Idk. It’s hard to tell what the consequences of an action will be. Suicide is never clean, I know that. But things are better this way because I’m dying by my own hand no matter what, I don’t love anyone nearly enough to change that plan.
2 comments
You do you bro…if you genuinely don’t care about people and enjoy solitude then that’s your ‘normal.’
For the vast majority of us, our normal is the opposite of yours. We need people in our lives, that’s why we talk about all the problems we have in trying to get friends, soulmates and so on.
Maybe consider yourself lucky that people don’t mean a thing…however you would still need to develop basic social skills if you are to operate in society…but I assume you know that already.
But ya if you’re happy alone, good on you. As for suicide…it might be a similar case with others here….I suspect I’ll end myself or will use Maid if I qualify.
The religious nutters are always busy like termites to erode our freedoms and rights…so we’ll see how that goes…but either way, I don’t intend to “overstay my welcome” in life…very little is keeping me tied here, otherwise if it was easier, I probably might’ve done it already.
I envy your mindset…I can heavily relate to the ‘trying and failing to connect with other people’ part, basically describes my life past elementary school. I read an article the other day about the benefits of being single, and I think many of those perks apply to friendships (or the lack thereof) as well. People are tiring, confusing, and probably not worth it. But unfortunately I haven’t managed to turn off the part of my brain that desires social connection …