I’m starting to think I screwed myself in the long term back then.
Had someone who loved and cared for me deeply, that I broke it off with because they’re so far away (LDR) and I didn’t want them to be stuck with me as their only option. They’re happier now, with someone else. We still talk, but not nearly as much as before, which really sucks. I care for them deeply, and that won’t change, but I’ve noticed the change since then. We have a deep connection, even now, but I know she’s happy with this other person anyway so I’ll be a good friend to her as well.
I’m not stupid, I don’t expect things to be like back then, but I figured we’d still talk somewhat frequently like before. Nope. I’m not mad or anything, just find it funny because I don’t know if I can even figure it out with someone else like I did with her for a while.
I met someone when I went home recently during a family thing. She’s nice, but way older than me (like cougar territory). I’m very much being extremely casual in this regard, and we just talk a lot about normal stuff. I can’t say I see this going where I thought it would, and I made my intentions clear from the jump, but I already can tell it won’t be anything crazy, although I’m starting to wonder what she really wants from me at this point. I think I’m just trying to boost my confidence when it comes to women in general.
I’ll be nice of course. I’d like to keep this person on friendly terms at the very least, so I may back out a little bit. We have silly pet names, and rarely flirt, but I don’t think I’d be getting any anyway… idk why I thought maybe I could.
I’m starting to think I really don’t feel compatible with much of anyone at this point. I’m still… inexperienced, which doesn’t help all that much. Genuine attention from any girl seems to help me feel some level of confidence, so idk.
Maybe I need to look outside the US for a partner anyway, who knows. I don’t like what dating in the US has become anyway. Granted I’m very insular and introverted as is, so it’s not like I can just put myself out there. I’ve tried, friends have tried, I’m not interested in the dating apps and all that crap.
I’ve heard too many stories from friends and others, seen too many unappealing people personality wise.
Not sure what I can even do now.
I’m not that old at this point, but my youth is almost behind me. I believe 5 years younger to 5 years older is my absolute limit (I see no reason to really bother with anything way above or below that range).
I don’t even understand the pressure to have sex so early in life as well. I never liked people bragging about how many men or women they’ve slept with anyway. Never understood people that have more than 3 kids, that aren’t with I’d say 2 or less people (I’m talking modern day, parents/grandparents generations were a lot different).
Not like I’d really be all that desirable in the grand scheme of things. Maybe that’s why I’m so jaded lately.
1 comment
You get points in my book. Most people are too petty or immature to break off a LDR if they think it’s not beneficial for the other person. You said she seems happy now, so that’s pretty good.
I understand the fear of having screwed up a long time ago. Got zero experience myself. For the longest time I tried being with someone who wasn’t interested and already far away, emotionally and physically. Haven’t really tried in any regard since her. Been years since I started my foolish endeavor and years since I stopped.
Hope you manage to find someone. People manage to spring up in the strangest places. Hope you can talk to your friend more too.